What do I do NOW? SunnyFlower: *sighs*
I posted my original story here months back and haven't been on the forums since then. I kind of felt "ganged up" on from the replies I received, and maybe understandably so, and I just wasn't ready to hear it. ::)
To make a long story short, I was married for 7 years, and my husband was good to me, but I still wasn't happy and was sure a seperation was the answer. I proceded to find new housing. My husband, being hurt and upset, took it upon himself to file for divorce. It has been 7 months since he filed, and we are still dealing with all the unpleasentries that come along with tearing what was our life together apart. We have a house and one child together.
In the beginning, he begged to work it out, that it was for the best. I wasn't ready to listen. Now, after all this time, I realized he was right. I am ready to talk and work things out, but he's decided he's happier without me. He refuses to talk to me at all, unless it a sentence here and there to get an answer he needs regarding the divorce or our child. I don't know what to do.
I have changed alot since living without him all this time, and apparently so has he. I just want to go home.
I am not even sure where I am going with this post, I know no one is going to have the "right" answer. I suppose I need to either let go, or pursue him. How do I know what the right thing to do is? When will I know when enough is enough?
Re: What do I do NOW? galil: Sounds like enough may be enough.
Someone once told me that life is hard enough as it is, it is best we try and make the right decisions.
Regrets are hard to deal with.
Sounds like you ex has moved on and enough is enough for him. You have probably wounded him more than you can possibly imagine. he at one time was the one begging to make it work and now he has had peace with YOUR choice and has moved on, either alone or with someone else. Bottom line I guess is, it might be best to move on with your life. It probably took him a long hard time to finaly move on with his and find his own happiness, without you.
You did at the time what you thought would make you happy and now your not. Your alot like my ex-wife and unfortunatly it may be best to quit thinking about yourself.
If he is happy I beg you leave him alone and let him live his life. I know from expirience it takes alot of strength and courage to move on and rebuild your life alone without the one you loved more than life itself. It sounds like that is the spot that he has gotten to and he is finaly content with everything.
You made your bed so to speak and YOU caused alot of damage by your irrational decisions so now it is up to you to sleep in the bed you have made.
I am not trying to make you feel bad at all. I just wont sit back and sugar coat the truth that is plain to see. he is not yours anymore and you threw him out like and old dishrag. finish up what you started and move on with your life without him.
unfortunatly at some point and time we all need to be held accountable for our mistakes. This time is your time to be held accountable.
I am sorry if this makes you mad but sometimes the truth is unlpeasant.
I do hope you seek out a therapist to help you cope and hope forgiveness will find its way back to you one day. :-/
Re: What do I do NOW? SunnyFlower: Perhaps you are right, galil.
I am not only thinking of myself, however. We do have a son together and I am putting him before me.
My husband reacts very angrily towards me, and someone once told me that intesnse anger can come as a result of intense love...(meaning there is still SOME feeling there) I can't help but think that if he didn't care at ALL that he would be totally indifferent towards me altogether, which he is not. I also can't believe that after 10 years of being with someone, 7 married, that you get over someone in just half a year, unless he truly never cared from the start.
I know what mistakes I have made, I see where I have gone wrong. The problem is, getting HIM to understand this. He has a history of anxiety disorder which causes him to become very irritational. It is impossible to post one's whole life/marital history. I am just looking for feedback of some kind.
Re: What do I do NOW? atd74: Sunny,
I do believe that your s2bx still has feelings for you and you are right by saying that if he didn't he would be indifferent.
"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
I can see why he is angry - when he wanted to make things work you didn't and now you come to him realizing the error of your ways and he's probably struggling with that. As galil said I'm sure the instant shock of you wanting to leave destroyed him and it probably took a lot on his part to move on.
In your defense you didn't run out and file for divorce - you filed for separation. I can see how hasty he was in his decision to get the divorce and he didn't really think things through either. He was thinking with his heart at the time as well and his heart was hurting.
You can try to present it to him in that manner as I said above and try to talk to him rationally about what really went down. But if he doesn't want to listen and he doesn't want his happiness upset again there really isn't anything you can do but move on as well.
Re: What do I do NOW? SunnyFlower: He wants me to give him the house...GIVE it to him. I still consider it my home as well. I talked to him today very briefly after posting because i am going nuts today. He said he would agree to talk to me if it would help my decsion on whether or not to give up the house without a fight.
He said if I wanted to discuss "us" then there is nothing to talk about. I don't want to use the house to manipulate him into talking to me, however, this is the farthest I have gotten with him in the last 7 months. Should I go ahead and meet with him and hope he listens to EVERYTHING I have to say, or hang around in limbo hoping he'll want to talk to me because he WANTS to?? :-[
