new understanding

new understanding Chris101: Even though I feel like she hasn't done anything to try and keep us togother and I'm the only one fighting for us I think I've been totally wrong. A very experienced friend pointed out the possiblity that she is fighting also but in ways that I don't see and I think he's right. We have had a 11 year relationship with little or no communication and I take my share of the blame for it. I am willing to accept the fact that she cheated on me as a wakeup call and forgive her, and work very hard on building a great relationship. I know most would say that I shouldn't but I love her and our family to much not to, we all make mistakes.

Even though she told me this, I didn't really understand until now, she said she still loves me but has lost her feelings for me. She could say its over at this point but I believe she is not giving up and is trying hard to find these feelings again. I think we need to spend time together and reconnect to bring back these feelings but this pushes her away more. This is the part that I don't understand and if any women here could help me understand this better it would be appreciated. When we do spend time together I'm not pressuring her, so this kind of confuses me.  Maybe I'm totally wrong and just a door mat, but I hope not.

I know there is a good possibility that we are over and I can except that but I want to keep an open mind and not rule out anything at this point. My only concern is how do I know when to call it quits and move on, how long is "enough time".

Re: new understanding Lumpy:   Dear Chris,

            I don't think this makes you a doormat at all. The thing that I would be most concerned with is where she's coming from. If she doesn't have the same dedication to this as you do you're just setting yourself up for more heartbreak. If she decides her bread is buttered elsewhere, you're going to feel used. I'd have a long talk with her to determine where her head is at before you commit to anything.
Re: new understanding judy: Agree -- if the other person is still involved in any way or if she still has feelings for him -- then she will never give it her all with you.

Judy