Custody Compromise? - Need help from those who have been there...

Custody Compromise? - Need help from those who have been there... wpgilbe: Okay...so here I am again.  As the story unfolds, stbxw lost temp custody, quit her job in SC, and has now moved back to GA.  She is living with a friend, and I am allowing her more generous visitation with the children since she is in the area.  Reconciliation is out of the question, and frankly, though I think that I could win sole custody in a final custody hearing, I'm not sure that I want to bear the time, expense, and possible risk of going through a final.  My thinking is to strike while the iron is hot, and try to reach a compromise on this thing and end the marriage and the legal battle ASAP.  As some of you may remember, my original objective was to keep her within a certain proximity of me, so that I could maintain my job, and so that we could effectively co-parent the children.  I could easily get that now.  I am considering offering joint custody with a proximity requirement, which would become effective as soon as she gets a job and a place of her own.  As far as sharing the children, I am currently not in favor of splitting up the week, but possibly, taking a week at a time with each parent.

Anyone who has been down this road - thoughts?  Is this frought with problems?  What pitfalls and sticky areas should I be sure to cover? 

I am going to check with my attorney, but you guys give much better advice, frankly.

Thanks,
Patrick 
Re: Custody Compromise? - Need help from those who have been there... clambakesX: Haven't been down this route, but my gut reaction is that you having sole custody would be better for her and for the kids and give everyone more stability.  Of =course= you'll permit and encourage her involvement in their lives.  My feeling is that this will go more smoothly (with less shenanigans from her side) if she has no legal rights to this.

Can you talk her into agreeing to give you full legal custody and ending the marriage, and as long as she stays around you'll permit her lots of interaction with the kids?  She's in a weak position here - why give away so much ground, which could open you up for later ugly battles?

I'm going to get kicked for saying this out loud, but in general I think it's often better when (good, responsible) fathers get primary custody.
Re: Custody Compromise? - Need help from those who have been there... wpgilbe: Medusa

Thanks.  I won't kick you for that ;-)

My dad and I were discussing the same approach this morning.  Tell her that I want to maintain sole custody, but agree to very generous visitation with a proximity clause.  We could even agree to revisit the custody arrangement in a couple years or so (I have read that with small children, it is sometimes best to review the arrangements every couple of years).  You are right,  she is coming at this from a definite position of weakness.

Patrick
Re: Custody Compromise? - Need help from those who have been there... Cowboy12: wpgilbe , I wish i was in your position ...you worked hard and went through a lot of pain to get where you are now...never forget the pain...

I would PM Bubba as I think he has worked out an arrangement like what you were lookig for...1 week off  week on...etc...

I know some other guys on here have similar arrangements but can't think of them off hand.

try bubba as a starting point, or kermie.

keep posting big guy, you are an inspiration 8)
Re: Custody Compromise? - Need help from those who have been there... Discarded: My X has the 1st and 3rd weekend each month during the school year. The Weekend is Friday after school until Tuesday after school (FRI, Sat, SUN, Mon)

This keeps their school routine pretty stable.

The summer vacation is alternating 2 weeks.

I have the children the majority of the time, so I can monitor their mothers actions. (She is not a very good mother)

Christmas break and spring break are split in half.

I have primary custody and she has Visitation. I do have a mileage clause and if the mileage goes over that she has to pay full transportation and it cannot affect school.

Just to give you a quick breakdown and ideas.

Discarded