rebound. inevitable? sourpuss: so i'm wondering...
there seems to be a fair number of folks here who have found a "soulmate", after being married/committed to someone and having a nasty breakup.
being a bitter, jaded cynic, i can't help but wonder if this phenomenon is a byproduct of suddenly getting whatever it is that was missing from the marriage. that this person is no more your "perfect mate" than your former spouse was.
so my question:
whether you start a relationship quickly after a breakup or deliberately wait for a period before jumping back in, is the first relationship after an ugly split inevitably a "rebound" or "transitional"?
it seems to me that it would almost have to be.
any thoughts?
Re: rebound. inevitable? Bubba: I don't know about others, but I can comment on my own experience. I dated a girl for about 5 months after I broke up with my ex, and I knew it would likely be a rebound, and it most certainly was just that. I then dated about 10 other girls before I ended up with BBH. Now, do I think a persons first relationship after divorce/separaton is going to be a rebound? I dont think it has to be. If you think it will be then you are dooming yourself for failure. If you think there is no chance it won't be, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Bubba
Re: rebound. inevitable? paul76: Like Bubba, I have dated around up until recently. Some were rebounds....some were not. I think it is hard to label a relationship. Now....I did not sleep with any of these women, so I dont know if that would make a big difference.
I think there has to be some rebounds....its just a way to kind of finish the healing process. I know that sounds awful, but if you are up front about it..then no one should get hurt.
As for my new situation........I am glad that I had the rebounds, and didnt happen to meet the right one when I wasnt ready. I dont think she is the right one because she gives me what was missing in my marraige. I also dont believe in "soul mates". I do however believe in trust, understanding, love, compassion, and last but not least compromise.
I believe timing is everything in a relationship.....period. If the time isnt right, then nothing else matters. Just my opinion.
potzy
Re: rebound. inevitable? lexi1012: I recently met someone and my husband and I have not been separated very long. However, I don't feel he is a rebound relationship. What does that even mean anyway? I don't feel like he is going to replace my husband and I am not rushing into anything. I do have very strong feelings for him both physically and emotionally. I have been unhappy for a very long time and meeting this person made me see everything that was missing in my marriage. I have been happier spending a few hours with him that I was with my husband for an entire year. Isn't it possible this could develop into something really great? Why do we think that we have to have these transition people after a marriage breaks up?
Re: rebound. inevitable? sourpuss: by rebound/transitional i mean someone that you are dating consciously or unconsciously to:
- fill the void left by the end of the previous relationship
- quash the fear of being alone
- get back at your ex
- prove that you are moving on
and to clarify, i am not thinking of myself in particular. it is a general thought.
