New here - with passive aggressive ex husband.
New here - with passive aggressive ex husband. mbinmn: MaryBeth here- obviously from Minnesota. I am 33 and divorced 12/4/04 after a 3 year battle. We have twin boys together and they are 10 years old. Divorce proceedings went all the way to trial because my ex husband -- failed to show up to many dates, he refused to negotiate, he fought custody and then didnt show up for the custody evaluation ??, Once he said the word NO it was another 2-3 months...GLAD its over- result is that custody was given to myself and he has reasonable visitation. He moved 200 miles away to live with his girlfriend and has provided no support for our kids. 244.00 per month is ALL that was awarded for twins??? He has taken them on a few weekends here and there but he is not consistent. Currently his drivers license is suspended for non-pay of child suppoort (11,000 arrears - part of the arrears is for taxes and wage garnishments I was getting for a loan he took out- they tacked on to Child support) - His girlfriend just had a baby last friday (#4 for him) and the twins didnt even get a call from him to hear the announcement of their new sister. They heard it from his mother 3 days AFTER it happened! The twins are devistated watching their dad who walked out on them and just so easily moved away and started up a family with someone else. I feel terrible for them and do my best to provide the best life for them.
My ex calls and yells at me telling me Im a selfish bitch because I wont make the 4 hour drive so they can see him - well it specifically states in the decree that he must provide all transportation to/from. I would gladly meet 1/2 way if he were contributing in some way but he isnt fathering them AT ALL!! He doesnt show up to anything that is of importance to them - sport games or school events. Not to mention non-pay of child support.
I dont know--- sometimes I feel swallowed by my hatred for this man.
ti-poux: ....and you have evey right to be!
Still when it comes to children, I try to ask myself, is it in my child's best interest...so far I think you are doing exaclty what you should be doing.
p.s. Do not waist energy hating him, try and just not think of him, don't let him get to you, and things will be just fine.
dgiirl: Hi MaryBeth. I've got one of those pa husbands too :) I'm reading a great book that actually helped me heal a lot of my own hurt. It's called "LIVING WITH THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MAN" by Scott Wetzler. I borrowed it from the local library. A lot of my questions were answered by this book. The fact that I always felt selfish, always felt guilty for asking stuff, always angry because he wouldnt do anything, the comments he'd make that would make me feel attacked but couldnt exactly pinpoint his words. It was a very good read. Dont have very much else advice to offer, except hang around on ojar. It really helps to vent out the frustrations sometimes and to get a different pov.
Why would you want your children around that man anyhow? They are at an impressionable age and it would be better for them to see their mom more independant and not torn apart by their dad. They will grow up respecting you and not respecting their father.. as they shouldn't because of what he did... if it was a one side divorce meaning all his fault. I sometimes don't understand why people would want kids to have a connection to a biological parent that is a piece of trash. I don't have kids so maybe that is my problem. I would think that a positive male role model would be much better time spent.
mbinmn: Thanks all!
i will go read that book AGAIN! I read it a couple years ago...and it did define my ex to a T and how I felt for the 7 years I was with him ...
As to WHY do I ALLOW my kids to have a relationship with their dad--because its the law. I have no choice. Wish I did.
Glad to be here thanks!!