Separated but still seeing each other
Separated but still seeing each other harmonix321: It's late and I don't have time to tell my whole story but the short of it is:
She initiated separation/divorce.
Another man was involved (I caught her with a big neck hickey).
We both went to another state 4 weeks later back to our college. The other man is mostly out of the picture. But yet ANOTHER man is involved now (I saw an email she is planning a "fling" with him next summer). She doesn't know that I know about this planned fling.
Here at college we live very close together but in separate apartments. I see her almost daily, but mostly it is casual contact. However, she is still sometimes affectionate towards me and the longer she goes without seeing me (more than a couple days) the more affectionate she becomes. She initiates the contact about 40% of the time, but it is usually for less time than I would like it. She makes excuses as to why she has to go (even if she was the one who wanted to see me). I have been nothing but excruiciatingly nice, upbeat, and confident around her. She doesn't treat me right, still though.
We've fooled around a few times, but each time after a few minutes she says she's "done" and doesn't want to go any further. She says she doesn't want sex, although tonight she came over to use a vibrator and said I could "jack off" while I watched her. (I have a private room and she doesn't).
I'm getting really mixed signals here. I know it sounds like she walks all over me but she really doesn't. She is confused and I think I am just seeing her too much, but I think it would make things worse if I deliberately avoided her when she did want to see me. So what to do? Just avoid calling her and try to avoid thinking about her until she initiates contact? It's hard because we live so close together... and I know she is talking with other men... I want to demonstrate I love her but I want to make it most likely that she will love me again (and some sex in the process wouldn't be half bad!!!!)
Your really kind of in back in enviroment (college right now) That is more suited for dating than steady relationships. I'm not saying there's not a chance to get serious again but it does sound like she is just kind of getting around and "exploring" which maybe she hasn't really done yet because of the confines of the marraige.
It sounds like she doesn't know quite what she wants right now. And she's not really making a defintive decision either way.
Considering you were previously married I'm sure emotions are running high with you and honestly it looks like she may be using you a little though proabably not conciously on her part and not maliciously it's still going to hurt.
I would really suggest some more space and more time apart for the time being.
It's obvious you are both trying to better your selves by going to school and improving your education. I would really make that your primary focus for the time being and focus less on her and her potential flings.
I'm not saying be cold or rude but definately show signs that you have more on your mind than her and act on it.
I know it sounds weird.. but show her you love her through your independance.
You need to let her go for a while.
ajw: I'm sorry but i think you are setting yourself up for a world of heartache.For your own self respect and well being you need to put some distance between you and this woman.If you know she is dating other men,why do you put up with this behaviour...this plan of "oh maybe she'll decide its me she wants" is not going to work.Tell me,if you had free rein to go out and screw anyone you wanted and at the end of it you knew your spouse would still be around,would you stop doing it.She has no intention of stopping,she might throw you a bone(like watching her use a vibrator),but she's going to go out and date loads of other men because she can.She knows her little lapdog(thats you by the way) will always be at home waiting for her.
Sorry if you think i'm being harsh,but she has to either be a 100% involved in this marriage or 100% gone....and if she claims she's wants the marriage,then dating other men is inexcusable.
Some time apart would help both of you,but espcially you.
Failedjedi: Run for the hills !!!
Really truly trust me on this I know.
GET OUT now while you can the longer you wait the worse it will be, get out emtionally , there is better out there.
Samarra: Hey harmonix,
Run for the hills....and don't look back!
Your words....you're being excrutiatingly nice.....WHY????
This woman is playing you emotionally and sexually......she is involved with 2 men (that you know of) and to you she tosses crumbs....you can jack-off while she uses a vibrator....what a B**CH! Queen B**CH at that!
What's in this for you.....nothing I can see but hurt and abuse which she's dealing you in spades.
Get out now while you can. I'm sorry for being so blunt.....but you don't deserve this....this is not love...you're not even getting laid for your troubles.
Good Luck.....you can find better!!!