Re: Am I ready? picadilly: Have to say that I found my first date after the divorce was a heck of a lot less stress on my mind then the first wedding I attended...alone... after my seperation.
Also, SG is right, the dream of the ex was probably your mind coping with the stress of the situation & the potential dating of another man. Your mind just wandered back to when it felt safe...
If you are not feeling like you are ready to date, don't. It's ultimately your choice to make, I don't know how long it's been for you so can't say but if you are not ready to date, I think maybe a night out instead with friends would be more appropriate, but going to a wedding maybe just as much stress on you. I know that when I did, I had alot of thoughts of my wedding running through my head... so maybe not the best idea for yourself either. Just a thought.
take care.
Re: Am I ready? bjs2005: I found that when I thought I was ready, I wasn't. So I waited a little. Then I thought I was ready again and dated. Well the whole "thing" came up and I made myself unready again. So, the third time I THOUGHT I was ready, the "thing" came up again and I think the date saw I wasn't ready. So, I don't know when or how you know you're ready.
No need to thank me for this useless bit of advice :)
Am I ready? jem: Hi Ojar- I need some advice. I am supposed to go out on my first date since my divorce tonight. This past week has been sooo emotional and stressful because of everything going on in the world and because of my grandparents' death, starting back to school, starting a new contigent job, etc. Last night things came to a head when my mom asked me to go to a wedding in her place because she is in another state dealing with the death of her parents. I told her I had other plans, and she sounded dissapointed. I felt bad, called her back and told her I was excited about my date but would go to the wedding if that was what she needed me to do for her right now. She tried to make it clear to me that she would much rather have me go on this date, that the wedding idea was just something she thought I would enjoy. But after I got off the phone, I still wondered what I should do. I think everything just hit me last night and I was really upset. And to boot, I had a dream about the x last night.
Does this mean I'm not ready? I mean, should I just tell this guy to hold off right now because of everything that is going on? Or am I copping out because I'm nervous and scared (which I am). Are all of these things that are happening in my life coincindental, or should I be listening to them tell me to wait until things are less clouded?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Jem
Re: Am I ready? Smiley17: Hey Jem,
It sounds like you're under a lot of stress right now, so I think what you should do is think about where you are in terms of dating. Since this is your first one, I can totally understand how you'd be nervous about it.
I don't really know your story, but I think that you having a dream about your ex is your mind's way of dealing with it. I know it can freak you out. If you're that uncomfortable, and you have too much going on, why don't you take a night out with your friends instead? At least you can get out and do something a little different without the pressure of dating.
Right now you have a lot going on, and that stress might not allow you to enjoy your time on this date. Maybe you can all go out and possibly invite him to go along? It'll be less stress and pressure, and will be a more relaxed atmosphere, and might allow you to get to know him better too.
If I were in your shoes with all of this stress, actually, I was kind of in your shoes about 2 years ago, I'd go out with my friends and have a relaxed but fun night. It might be better for you.
No matter what you decide, try to keep the mood light, for you.
HUGS!!!
-Smiley
Re: Am I ready? jem: Thanks Smiley- I know what you are saying. It has been 7 months since my life on my own started, 3 months since the official divorce. I was left my my cheating xh, and I was very hurt but have done a lot of work on myself and healing. A couple weeks ago before all this other stuff happened, I thought I was ready to try some totally casual dating, not ready for a relationship yet. So, this guy happened to come along right around that time, and it felt right, so I agreed to go out with him. Now all this stuff happened this week, and I feel so stressed out. Part of me thinks a night out with him might be fun and a good distraction from the stress (he is a nice, funny guy, easy to talk to) and part of me is feeling guilty for wanting that I think. Why do I psychoanalyze everything??!!
