Re: the shattering of my very being... waywardsoul: thank you onemist...
i have already told her EXACTLY that. if this indeed happened so long ago, she probably could have never told and gone on living life. as a matter of fact, she says she called a few counselors and they ALL told her to keep her mouth shut...that it "wouldnt do the marriage any good".
part of me wishes she hadnt...
Re: the shattering of my very being... helpmehelphim: I am glad that it did not happen at your house, but I do understand your point about "planning" vs. spontaneity. Sigh. This is another thing that infuriates my husband.
No matter how it happened, it's all bad, then some is worse, isn't it?
BIG SIGH. If only I could re-do the last 17 months.....
I will continue to be patient. It IS very difficult at times. I am redhead with the temper to match, so it is difficult to be yelled and screamed at and not reciprocate. My humility in this situation is the only thing that allows me to beat it down. It comes close to boiling over when he is calling me nasty names and raging though...but I understand he is unable to usually be civil about it when he is hurting so bad.
Re: the shattering of my very being... waywardsoul: well i must say, after reading some other stories on here (like KdUb's) im beginning to wonder if she has a boyfriend, her actions sure seem to point in that direction...
Re: the shattering of my very being... waywardsoul: hey there,
well, it did not happen at our house. BUT, knowing she had to find a sitter for our child, leave the house and rent a frickin hotel room is just as bad...if not worse. that all takes planning, and planning gives oppurtunities to back out, which she obviously did not do, or we wouldnt even be having this discussion.
and i wish you guys the best, please be patient with him, as this is gonna take some time...wheter everyone stays together or not.
me
Re: the shattering of my very being... waywardsoul: ok all, update...
so, ive always told her if she ever cheated, i would leave immediately (we have both said that, as a matter of fact). come to find out that she had already contacted her attorney in case i did indeed leave. they practically had divorce papers drawn up with account numbers, life insurance policies, auto vin numbers, and bank accounts divided up between us.
she wants to get seperate places, to "figure out" her life. her reasoning is she feels she has to lose me in order to get us back. her confusion appears to come from the fact that i didnt leave. she thinks time alone will magically clarify things for her, i say that a seperation is a nice way of saying "its over".
she is afraid to "jump back in" becasue she feels i will realize in a month or two that i dont want her anymore because of what she did, and she dosent want to be hurt again.
...can anyone shed some light on this???
