Re: when will it end? wowee: Thank you so much to alonewith2, jadedangel, smiley & dgiirl.
I really appreciate you all taking time to reply, support & encourage. I have been avoiding this site as much as possible lately because I just can't handle reading all of the heatbreak & sadness. My STBX is due home on Thursday & I am really freaking out. I have not seen him since January & emotionally I think I wanted to be stronger by the time he came back. I have one month to get myslef together & find a new place to live in Texas & we haven't even finished filing for divorce. I feel so not ready to handle any of this & to top it off he wants to come spend 5 whole hours at the house just sitting around with me & the kids - suggested we could have dinner together & watch some movies with the kids. I am seriously not interested in playing happy family with him, and I told him so & he just got pissed & told me in a not so nice tone that he can come see his kids for as long as he wants & I can't tell him otherwise. I just want to make it through the whole thing without crying or letting on that I have a single feeling left but I know I am not going to make it. I really wish I were a different kind of person. I really wish I were a whole different person altogether.
when will it end? wowee: When will it end. When will the words he speaks stop having any effect on my heart. Why do I still feel the knife in my back in my heart & my soul every time he chooses to hurt me? Why do I care? How can anything he says at this point matter when I know I do not want to be with him? I am really this pathetic? Do I somehow deserve this? What is it about him & the sound of his voice that makes my skin crawl & my heart ache all at the same time & why the heck can’t I stop crying. It seems as though enough time has passed that I should be better then this emotionally by now. My brain has totally checked out – am I still waiting for my heart to catch up? If so what is my heart’s problem? Get a move on it already. He is nothing I would ever want & yet all I have ever wanted. Will this crap ever end? Do I just feel like this because he is finally coming back after 8 months & we are finally getting this all over with? I don’t know if I can handle this. I don’t know if I am strong enough. And I hate feeling this way. I hate that I let him make me feel weak again. I hate that I haven’t moved on like he so clearly has. Why am I such a looser that this isn’t easier by now?
Re: when will it end? dgiirl: wowee, dont beat yourself up over how long it should take. It takes as long as it's going to. As long as you are making an honest effort to try to stop thinking about him, going out and doing fun things from time to time, then you're doing everything that anyone could ask from you. I'm also starting to finalize things with my stbxh, and I can forsee me going back to crying every day until i get sick of it. But just keep putting one step in front of the other, and make an honest effort to continue on with life. Like everyone else, you will have bad days but you will have good days too. Keep focusing on the good days!
*hugs*
Re: when will it end? Smiley17: Awww... wowee, Girl!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You have my biggest hugs!!!
Someday soon, everything you're going through will work out to something better. You just have to hold on a little while longer, and cherish each and every happy moment you have. I know that I do that, and it helps me get by, even when the big stresses happen.
Hang in there for me, ok? :-*
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!!
Re: when will it end? jadedangel: [color=navy"> Wowee ..
I ask myself a few of those questions as well --- Why do I still care is one of them. What's wrong with me .. is another one .. I don't think it can end .. until you can answer the reason you still care and resolve it. Seems like as long as you hold on, you will continue to ask. -- I wish I had some magick words for ya .. but, inevitably I don't -- other than all we can do is hang on .. try to survive and quit wondering --
I know I know ...... easier said than done ... [/color">
