Re: How can one be so entirely selfless yet selfish at the same time? lostboy: Man I'v been asking my self these same questions.. I guess my situation is a little different since she left me for another woman but It doesn't change the fact that she was selfish and said some very hurtfull things before leaving.
What yellow Jacket says makes complete sense. I realize now that in a lot of respects my own stbx was trying to be who she thought she needed to be to keep me. Her parents used to comment on how different she was around me. About what a "great effect I had on her" I was always puzzled because she just seemed the same to me. Sweet and genreous thoughtfull.. very thoughtfull or so it seemed.
Yeah I totally feel that way too the like marraige was disposable. She treated her leaving.. like we were in highschool and she was breaking up.
The longer I am away from the relationship the more pissed off I get that she could leave so easily and be so selfish in the process.
I don't know maybe I'm just getting Jaded now. I don't want to be this way. But it just pisses me off..
Yes she's a lesbian so what. She could have respected our vows and not got involved with another woman untill we were seperated or divorced. it still doesn't give her the excuse to treat me the way she did.
SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH..
"My worst enemy wouldn't have treated me with such calllous behavior. "
I completely agree Mophead I'm Right there with you..
Sorry for taking your soap box. you can have it back now..
Lostboy
How can one be so entirely selfless yet selfish at the same time? mophead123: It's been awhile since I have posted. In general I have been doing ok. I feel to be moving on. I am now 5 months post breakup and NC. While I have yet to go a day without thinking about the ex, I definitely think about her less and less through the course of the day and the pain grows more and more shallow. I haven't had a major slip in about a month as well which I am proud of.
I have been going on dates and it's been nice but obviously can't compare to my past relationship as I have the bar now set so high as well as the fact that it is still in the infancy stages.
I guess I am just sitting here today at this blue Monday at work wondering once again about how this all happened. This woman was the most generous, selfless, supportive, caring woman I have ever met. These qualities were engrained in the very fabric of her skin. And yet she was also able to deliver the most painful blow I have ever recieved. The pian she cause me reached millions of miles deeper than the love she ever gave me. The backstabbing, deceiving, lying and cheating over the 4 months she promised she was trying to work things out all while pursuing another relationship with the OM (he not knowing she was still in a relationship) is by far the most selfish act I have ever seen. My worst enemy wouldn't have treated me with such calllous behavior.
I am left wondering how this could be the same woman I knew for years. The same sweet, gentle, graceful angel that had shared so much with me. How could this same person have been so selfish. The woman who before would have done anything for me as I would for her...I guess I still wonder 5 months out...i sometimes wonder if the lingering questions will be everlasting :'(
Re: How can one be so entirely selfless yet selfish at the same time? jem: One thing I had to realize was that my x was not selfless, he was the most selfish person he could be, and that a lot of the rest of the stuff he did for a while that was nice and caring was just an act. Sure, some of it was genuine at times, but it was more of a struggle for him to not be selfish because my x just had/has no idea what it means to be cared for in a marriage. It's hard to think about the person you thought you knew so well being a completely different person, but once I could accept this I was able to feel less like it was my fault. And you may not ever get the answer to the questions about your x, but your caring to answer them will subside with time and interest in someone new or just new things in your life that make you happy.
Re: How can one be so entirely selfless yet selfish at the same time? charmed: [quote"> i sometimes wonder if the lingering questions will be everlasting[/quote">
I wonder the same thing. My ex-bf was much the way you described your ex. This is why it makes it all the more confusing. Who were they really? Who are they now?
With my ex-h, little by little, I saw he was capable of about anything and nothing surprised me. With my ex-bf it was much different. When a person presents themselves as a good and loving human being it's a total shock when you find out they have deceived you in the most cruelest manner. Nothing makes sense. You doubt they ever loved you. You doubt yourself. You doubt the human race.
I sense your strength and I also have done relatively well, but am haunted everyday by so many questions that will probably never be answered. Maybe they don't matter in the long run, but for now they do.
I read a post on here where someone said that we have to stop worrying about what the ex's felt, said, did, etc.; stop questioning if they were real, if their feelings were real, etc. and only be concerned that from our end the feelings were real. That carries me through some days LOL
I don't have any words of wisdom LOL because I know exactly what you are saying and am trying to decipher much the same.
I do wish you the best and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you
((((hugs))))
`charmed
Re: How can one be so entirely selfless yet selfish at the same time? mophead123: Thanks guys! Could be just a case of the blue mondays. Anyway...i hate wondering about if i had given her another chance. I just know I couldn't without losing respect for myself. The fact that she didn't try spoke volumes anyway.
