Re: 2.5 Years...still can't get over ex!!

Re: 2.5 Years...still can't get over ex!! dgiirl: I agree with Jem.  Counselling is a great idea.  I lucked out on my first try and loved my therapist.  I think I just needed an objective slightly older woman to listen to my fears like a big sister.  It was a great eye opener.

As for the trusting issues, you have to have confidence in yourself to be able to handle the situation IF you get hurt.  We all get hurt.  It's inevitable if we want to have a happy life.  If we try to avoid being hurt, then we close ourselves off to the world and live a lonely life.  Trust isnt about other people.  Trust is about trusting ourselves to handle the situation if things dont go the way we want.

2.5 Years...still can't get over ex!! MsBok: To quote a Don Henley song, "It's been two years for me and I'm still not quite myself."  I feel so silly, as the relationship with the guy only lasted 3 months.  (My longest relationship was 1.5 years and the breakup was mutual and with little pain.)

At any rate, I met B off of an online dating site.  Of course, it turned out to be a small world, because I knew his brother.  B and I hit it off right away.  At the time, things seemed good, until I started to learn about his ex.  It took several weeks for the beans to spill out, but I learned that they had dated for 5 years, broke up about 2 months before we started to date, and the clincher - they work together!  I stupidly looked past this.  The relationship was good until about the last week.  After meeting his family, I was told not to show up at his father's birthday party.  We went on a movie date and there was no affection (we were intimate) and no phone call for two days.  I called and wanted to know what was going on, and boy, did I get the worst lashing of my life!  B told me he didn't want to date me anymore, there never was any chemistry between us, and that I was nothing more than some freak he met on the wireless internet.  I cried for 24 hours straight.  I later found out he indeed went back to his ex.

Needless to say, his lashing destroyed my self-esteem, especially being a small town girl trying to live in the big city.  I've dated a bit, but no serious relationships.  I believe this is because I lost my ability to trust and my ability to love.  I don't believe I will ever get this part of me back.  This may not be the right forum for this, but I am wondering if there's anyone who's ever picked up the pieces and moved on.  I feel like I will never be able to move on from this.  I'm about ready to get a shrink.  The relationship didn't even get a chance to die out.  I was still in love with him.  However, I realize this relationship was a complete scam and I no longer have feelings for this asshole.  I am, however, still very hurt from his actions.

To conclude, B ran into me after a concert earlier this year.  He tried to say Hi, I turned away.  The next day, he sent me an e-mail.  Stupid me forgot to block his e-mail address.  We had back and forth e-mails, I mostly did it to gain closure in hopes of moving on.  Yes, he and the hag got back together again.  The hag cheated on him, and he claims he doesn't talk to her anymore.  It's pretty much a given that they will work together for at least the next 30 years.  It's a PO, so it's kind of hard to quit.  He also told me that me made the mistake of going back to her instead of staying with me.  He asked for a second shot, I told him "No."  I don't regret my decision there.

I feel like I need some sort of counseling, but I don't know where to go.
 Re: 2.5 Years...still can't get over ex!! jem: Please seek out counseling, I think the fact that you are expressing an interest in it for yourself means you could probably gain so much from it.  Look up some counseling centers in your area on the wireless internet, or if you have a PPO you might have to go with someone for your insurance to cover it, if you can.  I found a great counselor who was just that, not a dr. or psychiatriast, but you have to find what works best for you.  The only way to do it is to get out there and start looking, don't be afraid to try more than one if you aren't comfortable with someone.  Good luck to you.  It shows strength to reach out for help, strength that you are able to work on yourself, which is more than a lot of people are willing to admit. 
 Re: 2.5 Years...still can't get over ex!! OneMist8k: I don't know if it's a Y-chromosome thing, but right after we guys break up from an LTR, the first thing we do is try to get back together with old girlfriends and past dates.  I don't know why we do it.

Having said that, you were right to turn away from him.  Very right.  What he wants and what you want are not the same thing.

A therapist might help.  You care too much about what this guy thinks.  He needs to be discounted.  Over time you will love again.  It will require risks and probably some false starts, but it will be worth it in the end.  The trouble is this guy hurt you, and to avoid being hurt again you won't take the risk of finding love.  It is a very natural defense, but you can't let it get in the way.

Fortune favors the brave.  You must learn to be brave again.  The right guy is out there.

(On a side note, I'm finding myself in agreement with a lot of dgiirl's posts lately)
 Re: 2.5 Years...still can't get over ex!! dgiirl: [quote author=OneMist8k link=topic=18563.msg166366#msg166366 date=1126574162">
(On a side note, I'm finding myself in agreement with a lot of dgiirl's posts lately)

Naturally :)

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