Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated Lome: first,
Huge Hugs!
I am exactly where you are except mine has been back since June 2......
you are having a nervous breakdown.....it is a chemical thing...and you may want to get some help.....
survivinginfidelity.com is a web site for us....like ojar, it is full of people who understand....but, it is for those of us fools who love their mates and want to make it work....
I will do anything I can to help....just email me or pm
<Michael - deleted email address>
I pray that you can make it....ojar was my lifeline for some time.....and it helped.
bye, Lome
Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated Dolphin Close: Do you really want him back considering he only came back to you after the other woman decided to go back to the boyfriend?
Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated feelindown: I'm so sad for you! I'm glad that you found this website, the people here really helped me get past the pain and dispair that I was feeling.
There are a lot of tough choices that you will have to make in the coming future. But going through this myself, I have learned that there are people out there that will love you and help you. It might not come at the exact time that you feel you need it to.
Good luck, you can always write me if you need to talk more.
Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated LostandSad: part of me does because i have given him 10 years and 3 kids are involved. A part of me doesnt want to let her win I guess. And there then is the part of me that just really dosnt want to hurt anymore, but I cant seem to figure out if that means to let go of the marriage or keep working on it. My husband has kept me very shelterd in a sense. I have no friends, no job and no family close to help me. He knows that he is all that I have right now. I have thought of sucide several times and tried it once. I am just so hurt and lost I dont know what to do anymore. I want to live for my kids but there is so much pain I just want out and sometimes it seems like that is the easy way out. :'( I dont know if I am just spinning my wheels on trying to keep this marriage togeather or not. He says he loves me but isnt in love with me. And that I love him in a way that he doesnt love me. It hurts to hear the things that he says.
Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated polynesianpop: Lostandsad,
Your story sounds almost identical to mine. Married 8 1/2 years, together for 10 years (this month), have 2 kids. Wife cheated on me too. She had an affair with somenone at work (a VP no less) since the beginning of the year and it devastated me. She said the exact same thing to me too - she loves me but is no longer in love with me. I'm still feeling a lot of pain and have serious trust and esteem issues right now. What helps for me is the support of friends and regular IC. If you are isolated from friends, make new ones. There's plenty here at Ojar. You can PM me too -- I'll be your friend.
I know its hard right now -- it still is for me. But finding others in my situation has helped me out a lot. The one underlying thing I've heard time and time again by former BS's is that Karma always finds its way around to the WS. I saw survivinginfidelity.com referenced in this thread and it does provide a little insight as to what the WS was thinking and feeling when they betrayed us. That perspective helps a little bit but it doesn't take the pain away.
Please know that you are not alone as I'm still suffering through this pain as well. If I can offer any support at all, please please please PM me. I'll tell you what I'm doing to get through this very difficult time in my life.
Most importantly, don't hurt yourself -- your kids need you now more than ever.
