Re: Update on Custody Compromise clambakesX: Glad to hear that it sounds like you're finding something that's workable for both of you - and especially for the kids.
I would leave something open in case you change employers at some point, but I'm sure you've got that covered.
Because of issues Tara brings up, I'm still a fan of the father-gets-legal-full-custody option, but I'm cynical that way.
How are the kids holding up so far?
Re: Update on Custody Compromise wpgilbe: The way it works is actually that I can be relocated to one of 8 cities (approved by her), all of which are in the southeast. I have to give her 90 days notice before I move, and if she chooses to not move within 20 miles of me, she forfeits primary custody to me. She is okay with it, because all of the areas on the list are places where she wants to live, and are large enough that we can both have independent lives. The kids are 5 (in kindergarten) and 3, so proximity is a big issue. It is a pain to tie ourselves to each other for such a long period of time, sure, but it guarantees that we will both still be in the lives of our children.
Re: Update on Custody Compromise tara: My question is -- how enforceable is an action where if *you* move, *she* has to follow? (Unless it's a "she has to follow or she loses her right to veto/complain" thing -- that, I understand.) I mean, say you move to City Z, but she's married with a husband and a kid in school in City Y. She *has* to uproot her husband and kid? Or, if she becomes disabled and moving would mean giving up her caregiver and insurance?
BTW: My BF and his ex live 75 miles from one another -- it's a lot of driving but joint custody (and, for now, joint placement -- although the daughter's only 3, so when she hits school and soccer games and friends, it'll probably be different) is very doable.
Update on Custody Compromise wpgilbe: After month after month of this posturing, it looks like we are finally close to an agreement. Losing her children in a temp hearing was the wakeup call that she needed, I think. She has since quit her job and moved back to this area. She knows that a final hearing may not come until after the first of the year, and she doesn't want to take a chance at losing her children again. She is living with a friend, and we have extensively discussed a compromise agreement. She and I will share joint physical and legal custody of the children (Tues-Thurs and Thurs-Mon on alternating weeks), and we will (at least for the next 15 years) maintain residence within 15-20 miles of each other so that we can both be active parents. There are some clauses to protect me if I am relcoated (there are 8 areas to which I can move and she will have to follow), and we will sign off on the divorce as soon as her attorney gets it drafted and to me for review. We also agree that the children will remain in my home (the home that they know), even on her nights, until she finds a permanent place to live. I am happy with this, as it is the same thing that I wanted in the beginning. I feel like it gives the children quality time with both parents.
Any thoughts on or experience with this type of arrangement?
Thanks,
Patrick
Re: Update on Custody Compromise amola: patrick...
i'm so glad to hear that you're working something out, and it sounds like you guys might be able to make it work. my ex and i have 50/50 custoday but it's a much more complicated setup than yours is. it works for us for the most part, although he still has his moments when i just want to slug him for being stupid! lol
we can't move more than 50 miles away from each other without working out something different. so i'm stuck here for a while.
and i have no idea what sort of custody agreement i'm going to work out with idiotboy/sperm donor for this baby.....my feelings are, well, nevermind, i won't hijack your post for that one......lol
but congrats, and keep us posted!
:)
amola
