What should one expect? AloneandCold: Out of a relationship.
When you start out getting to know someone, its about having fun and getting to know each other.
But what does it become about after that?
Is it about feeling special? Being able to know someone thinks you are you, a unique individual who matters to them.
Is it simply about being loved? You can say you love someone, and they love you in return? Is that all that should matter?
Maybe its about communication? Having someone you can share your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and soul with.
Sharing life? Is it having someone you can just share every day things with? Making memories?
Perhaps its the physical and emotional comfort of knowing there is someone to turn to when you need them, someone who will care when you are sick or feeling down. Someone to share the happy things in life with as well.
What is it all about? Should we even expect a relationship to give us back anything? Should a relationship just be whatever it is? I'd appreciate any thoughts on the matter. :)
Bug
Re: What should one expect? browngreen: Bug,
I totally know what you mean.
I guess it's different for everyone, and then it changes as time goes on.
I remember falling in love was so fun. Didn't even have to try.
once It felt like a "relationship" and no longer the falling in love phase of getting to know somone, I was a little like "huh. Now what?"
LOL
Kind of anti-climactic, huh?
So I made the best of it, and just kept falling in love some more, creating bliss some more, getting to know eachother for the meat and potatoes stuff....
but I still sorta didn't know what to do with him now that I had him, other than appreciate him.
I'm not good at needing someone for much. I mean, except for sex, of course. But I came up with things I thought would be nice to ask his help on. Kind of felt like I was making up reasons to rely on him, stuff to ask his opinion on, and then taking his advice to see if it made a difference.
If I learned anything in my M, it was to expect less and appreciate what is. To see what the M is doing for me, and see what I can do to contribute to it.
My H didn't appreciate what was, which was really pretty f-ing cool, I thought. I really felt like we had it made, but he was always upset, always wanting more, always speculating that it could and should be better.
I won't do that. It isn't right. I beleive we all do our best automatically. Sometimes we need to rise to occassions, but as we are is how we should be excepted.
the same goes for a relationship.
I think that in time, a good relatinoship will undergo a series of re-inventions. Maybe for a while it will be about security or friendship for you, but later can be about fun, or about sharing, or about sex?!
IN the end, after decades of being together, I think most relationships have reinvented at least a few times... the roles changed, meaning changed, the dynamic between the couple has changed.
I think we all need to go into it with an open mind and an open heart, and let it be what it is and enjoy the other person.
BG
Re: What should one expect? AloneandCold: Thanks BG, you made some good points.
Medusa; I know what I want out of a relationship, I know what I am getting. I have no idea how to handle the mismatches. :) Any ideas?
Re: What should one expect? paul76: Am I allowed to comment here?
I think that if what you want and what you are getting are different, then there are too ways to look at it.
If the gap is small, then try and talk about it.....and see where that goes. If the other party is will to make seemingly insignificant changes to appease their SO, then all is well.
If the gap is large, then in my opinion.......talk about it and see if it can be closed. If not, then move on.......life is too short to spend it on a relationship that is not filling your needs.
Re: What should one expect? AloneandCold: Of course you can comment. :)
