Re: Trying to come back... Feel: Songbird...
I can't believe how much your words affect me, it's crazy... How do I come to a decsion being so confused and how do I make this decision knowing that I love him and that this wasn't the guy I married and I do know what he is capable of. (good)
I am not trying to make it look like I like this kind of abuse or betrayal.. But I am trying to figure out why I won't let go... :-\ :'(
I am so unsure of all my decision except when I need to do something for my SON....
Re: Trying to come back... hurting: OMG feel - your story sounds alot like mine...especially the part about the OW woman saying she would kill herself etc etc. I even saw myself feeling sorry for her...
I am also in the same situation with my family. We are reconciling and I haven't been able to tell them cause I'm kinda embarassed cause I told them everything when he was having the affair that was going on and off for a year. Thank god they live 6 hrs away. I feel like an idiot in my eyes in some ways and think people probably think I am nuts for taking him back.
I know how you feel about the thoughts that go thru your head when he doesn't pick up his cell, or even worse - it's turned off. I am really trying to trust and he is doing everything right to earn my trust back...but it's funny - one little thing can set it off. one very small white lie can cause me to spend hours going through his stuff and obsessing.
All I can say is don't appear to be needy cause probably nothing will drive him back to her faster than that..if you even want him back. For me, this is my last try - after this - if anything goes wrong - I'm done. The best advice I heard was to get on with my life without him and if he comes back and we work it out great - and if not - at least you have gotten on with your life. It's not easy believe me, and much easier said than done...
Good luck to you!! I hope everything works out!
rebecca
Trying to come back... Feel: Hi Everyone...
A recap... Last year in Feb 2004 I found out my husband was having an affair. This year in January I sent in on his way because I found out that he continued through the year with this same OW...
It's been 8 months now without us living together... We have a little boy but my husband has been keeping me in LIMBO, back and forth and I can't keep doing this... I have gotten great advice from everyone.
Now I know I deserve better because I have been treated so unfairly and taken for granted not to mention all the emotional abuse and crying I have been doing.
His family was here from out of town and out of the other 2 daughter in laws I was the only one to inviter them over, feed, and give them a place to sleep. ( I have always been giving and kind to everyone)
Yesterday his family left and my husband says to me that Tomorrow (today) he is going to prepare ribs for us for dinner and on Friday he wants to make Chineese and He wants only one day of the week to eat crappy. ( he's put on the weight and since all this I have taken it off)
It seems to me that he feels he doesn't need to have any explinations for his actions and we should just forget everything happened and move forward.
There has been so much that has gone on with him not coming home, to the lieing, all the betrayal and decete, all the confusion that I am going through and I don't know how to appoach him about what I want if he comes back.. I don't want to go through this again... I hate this feeling and I don't want my son to see me crying all the time!
There are a lot of bridges that have been burned and I am so confused as to what I want. I don't know if I can trust him again and I don't want to be wondering where he is when he doesn't call for 5 minutes or what and who is leaving him voice messages and when he goes to hockey or out will he come back home, and how do I know for sure he will leave this OW, when up to now he's been saying stuff like "she says she is going to kill herself and she is crazy and she bangs her head againts walls"
I find this to be NUTS on both there parts...
Since this has happened I have still carried myself through my work, with a promotion, I have managed to keep up with all my outstanding bills, groceries and diapers... I have had lots of help from my family and support from my friends... To be honest they all hate him and I feel too, that I am cought in a catch 22!"
I have done nothing but be honest with everyone about my feelings and I just don't know why I can't seem to either make it or break it.
Is there anything else anyone can add? :'(
Re: Trying to come back... Older Guy:
Yuo have done a great job with your life since the breakup. Congrats on that. You deserve to really think this out and keep your guards up. The thought of the wayward spouse wanting to come back can be intoxicating.
However, i would recommend that you take your time and think this out fully. In other words try do not make any snap decisions either way. There are no guarantess in life either way but weight the pros and cons, make your decision and don't look back.
The only thing i ewould add is that you wern't worthy or good enough 8 monjths ago, so why are you now ?
Good luck to you and again nice work on improving your life and yourself over the last 8 months.
Re: Trying to come back... lilly10: Wow feel this is a tough one! Im going through the same thing right now my fiancee who I have been with for 6 years cheated on me and denied it till the end. It is the worst feeling in the world I will vouch for that. As far as trust goes I know that I will not ever be able to trust him again as long as I live. Have you gone to councling at all either alone or together? I guess you need to do some long hard thinking because if you feel that this relationship is beyond repair as much as you must love him it would be best to try to move on with your life. I know that you have kids so of coarse you are taking that into consideration as well. How in the world does he think that you guys can forget about everything this has torn your life apart. I think you may be better off with out him im sorry to say but it would be upto you to decide whether you can really ever forgive him becuase if you cant it will most likely break again anyway. So sorry for you!!
