questioning everything in my life....
i would ask myself: am i really that bad, is my family that bad, did they raise me the wrong way, am i really that bad where someone would want to leave somethign they themself watned so badly and run off to another man...? am i ugly?
i began to think of myself and my family as low class for some reason, where before i would think of them as the best family there is. i began to change my view of her family, and though of them as some type of royalty, where i was critical of them before....
am i just weird, or these even semi normal?
Re: questioning everything in my life.... Older Guy: Normal to question things but i think you should rethink the perception of your family thing. Your family are probably the people that love you the most unconditionally.
And by the way...."i takes 2 to tango" ...whatever happened to your relationship was not entirely your fault.
Re: questioning everything in my life.... Rachael: Hi -
I guess I am wondering if those feelings are coming from inside of you or did the one who left you plant some seeds in you that you are not okay because of how you were raised, family, circumstances...etc?
I know that my H has said so many times over the years that I am too emotional, needy, (spoiled), etc because of the way I was raised and some events from my childhood. I always thought I came from a good family (there are things in every family that don't go smoothly) and that my parents raised me in the best way they knew. It was my H always telling me that I was raised wrong (because it was DIFFERENT from him) that I reflected and started to doubt that I had anythng good in my childhood.
People come from different places and backgrounds. It takes an accepting person to be able to develop a relationship with someone. We are all human.
Please don't doubt your worth or beauty as a human because someone left you. They do not define your worth. You do! Keep your chin up.
Re: questioning everything in my life.... moonshine: well rmr, i became like your husband...i came from a church going family and good upbrining. i lived by morals and values, and i told her that. and i even told her taht i had problems with her extensive past, they didnt go with how i was raised or what i believed in. she seemed like an ok girl....she just had so much baggage, i did not know what to expect, or even how to react to it.
when we first agreed that we liked eachother, she demanded i give her an answer whether i wnated to marry her or not. i reluctantly said yes, and thats where the problems began. she withheld some pretty big lies from me, which i had specifically asked her about but found out through other people a year later. i left her, but thats where the suicide threats began. thats where she stated that she wouldnt marry if it wasnt me, and that she wanted mt babies. i said ok, this girl obviously needs me in her life, ill stay with her. i will be selfless, and as long as she can provide me with children and be a good wife, and not have tendencies of her past, i will stay and help her. i will be selfless and i will be a real man and keep my comittment regardless of anything, i told myself.
she pleaded with me that she wanted to be like me and my family. i loved her, but while with her i would always question her, and i would constantly be frustrated at her empty promises. i wanted a wife, i didnt want to be a counsellor. i wanted to respect her, not have her be obsessive over me.
so, i came to a point where i accepted her past, and asked that she atleast try to be more secure within herself, and if she wanted to live my lifestyle, start trying to live like it. i said sicne we arent officially married yet, take care of your house like its your own, take care of your family like their your own....live the life now, practice it..
anyway, time went on i guess she got scared and thought i would leave her. i even tried to be fair to her and myself, and say its best for both sides if i leave...but she would cry and say she would kill herself. as mentioned, coming from a religious family, i put emphasis on sex, or any physcial contact at all, until marriage. anyway, one day we had sex after she took all her clothes off, knowing it would keep me with her. she then told me i had to marry her.
as time went on, i would feel like my whole life revolved around her 'getting over' whatever problems she asked me to help her with, and i slowly and slowly began to change as a person.
i slipped to such a low point, that i was nothing like the man who i was before her. i didnt get any emotional or mental satisfaction from her, i started to like her only for sex. she still wastn coming through with any promises she made, and so i stopped caring about everything. i used to ask her for help, but she said she wasnt over her own problems, how was she gonna help me...
i guess i came to a low point in my life. i lost my job, i lost my friends, i lost everything in the process of helping her become this woman. She then left me, stating that i was only after sex and that it was all a 'mistake'. She left for another man just like me, a 'good boy' from a religious family....this made me feel like shit. i felt used and i went under depressino
i spent so much time getting her back, thinking that she really loved me, and that her wanting to be with me was for me. Now i just suspect that i offered her the lifestyle she wanted to live. i begged for 6 months not knowing she was engaged, she didnt tell me. its like she got a thrill out of it...
so now im stuck being a person i have no knowledge of being, living a lifestyle which i dont agree with, but cant get out of. i have sex with women, but go into deep guilt everytime i do. im religious one day, a fiend the next.
all i ever wanted was a wife and kids, and to live quietly, now im worse then the lowest of the low.....all while she is living her dream life with the man she got engaged to only a couple months after leaving me.
anyways, i think i got off topic here....
Re: questioning everything in my life.... moonshine: ...i think i forgot to add...
i think she wanted me to understand, but i just couldnt. she made it clear that there was no other man in the universe, and i told her that since this is hte case, i will stay, but, it will take a while for me to a)get over her extensive past, which i didnt agree with adn b) take a while to get over her extensive lying to me.
i told her that i was going to be frustrated at times, but she knows thats not hte real me and just like i was patienet, she would have to be as well...
...but another man and the life style was more important then the struggle and coming through it together. it was also more important then the sacrifices i made. she claimed she had to put up with so much, even though i had made suggestions on many occasions that it wouldnt work out.
but the sexual relationship had made me very attached, and the time we were together made me attached....i opened up to her like i had never done to anyone else, i told her my most inner thoughts and feelings...
..now i feel like maybe this is who i really am....maybe whhole life was one big lie..
