A long way til Monday! Rachael: I need help!
I am going to get myself worked up into a mess and it's hard for me to concetrate, work, be Mom, etc...
My H and I have been separated for almost three weeks. He moved out, got an apt. Set it up. Told me that he doesn't want to be married, needs space, isn't into me, etc...
Of course, I have been so sad and depressedand tryng to focus on me and our two boys (who he has been seeing quite often).
Two days after he moved out, he went on his own to a marriage couselor of his choice. He let me know he was doing that. He told me that he needs to be sure and is very confused. He ent for a second time on Monday and then let me know that the Dr. and he would like me to go this coming Monday. Why pull me in if he is so sure it's over? I am so hopeful that this means he still might want to see if things could work out somehow.
It was his choice to leave, but a lot of what he said is still stinging me. He has been over twice for a booty call (which I'm sure meant more to me than him)...I just have hope and now I'm feeling worked up.
Why can't it be Monday? Does anyone think that there may be hope? I know I read a lot of advice telling me and others to cut the losses, let go, move on, etc.
Does it ever get back to good?
Re: A long way til Monday! lexi1012: When you say "does it ever get back to good?" do you mean the marriage or life?
You are pretty anxious about going to the counselor. Have you asked your husband why he wants you there? Don't let him being in control of everything. That is something I have learned.
And, yes, I think there is always hope, but try to be realistic as well.
You need to take care of yourself right now - do what is best for you. No matter what happens you will get through it. It may not seem like it now (believe me, I have been there!), but it does get better.
Re: A long way til Monday! Rachael: Yes - I meant can the marraige get back to good?...I tried to ask him why he wants me there - and he said wait til Monday, I don't want to talk right now.
I have this fear because we tried counseling a little over a year ago and he sat there and told her everything that was wrong with me and what I would need to fix to make him happy... I fear that it will be a repeat. but then I also have hope that a new Dr. will get him to be honest about his role in the breakdown of our marriage.
Re: A long way til Monday! RobertMN: To me, it appears that your husband has to have his cake and eat it too. The circumstances surrounding my divorce were similar; I moved out because I thought at the time that I didn't love my wife. We soon were divorced, and there was no counseling to try to save our marriage. Your husband does want you to talk to a counselor with him; that may be a sign of hope. If he is not 'into' the marriage, yet has stopped over for an intimate encounter; it seems to me he wants you and he wants freedom both. Hopefully, your counseling session will answer the questions you are seeking. I wish you the best. :)
Re: A long way til Monday! Rachael: Hey Robert -
I have heard the thing about having the cake and eating it too from more than a dozen people. He has expressed over and over that he wants his freedom, he's trapped, tied down, bored... many have said mid-life crisis, but I don't know how many men actually move out into an apt. during the mid-life crisis...
Yes - I am hoping that the counselor can get to the root of it. Is it something that can be worked on, or is he really not "into me and the committment". I know he still wants to be Dad to the boys, but I know that is conditional too - when he is not doing "his" thing. (motorcycle, bars, hanging with his friends, golf)
He found this counselor. The MC is a man (last year was a woman). This is his counselor (not mine - which I think bothered him because he felt she was on my "side").
I just have to remember that I will be okay no matter what...
