Are we too selfish and thats why we break up?
This is a question I thought of while reading the thread below about why did it fail?
I sense a tendency in myself, and perhaps some of you feel this way too, while searching for answers to blame my ex-wife.
I will say things like she was never willing to try, she wasn't responsive to my beliefs, morals, anxieties. Etc, the blame can go on for ever.
But then if you ask her what went wrong, I am certain she will say the same thing about me. That I was unwilling/unable to try, etc.
So what is really going on? Is it easier to handle a break up by leading ourselves to believe that were are in the clear and were poor victims of a villainous partner? But then if our partner was truly that bad what in the world were we thinking when we spent all that wonderful time together?
If its not our partner then are we the evil one? This has been one tough nut to crack for me. Does it even matter to decide whose fault it was?
It seems childish to me but I keep wondering who is to blame.
I'd be glad to know what you think.
Re: Are we too selfish and thats why we break up? EssieDotCom: i dont think that one person alone in any relationship break up is at fault. it takes two to make it work and two can also break it up. Little things here and there between the two start cracking, we try mending them, but sometimes the glue just doesnt hold.
Re: Are we too selfish and thats why we break up? BigRunner493: i've tried the "blame the ex" thing and it only worked in the beginning. i think a little self-blame is important because it makes us improve on those little things for the next go-round!!
Re: Are we too selfish and thats why we break up? sigkapgirl: I agree with EQ and BR. I think that in the beginning, its just natural to place "blame" on your spouse.
Even in my total Jerry Springer of a situation, where quite honestly, I have trouble finding fault with myself, I know that there are some things I should've done better, or could've done at all. Granted, it wouldn't have worked, but still. The effort would have been there.
And BR is right - if you don't realize that you do play some part in the breakup, then you aren't going to learn how to improve yourself and your future relationships.
Re: Are we too selfish and thats why we break up? lilly10: Michael it depends on the situation I guess but no matter what there are two parties at fault he and I. Maybe I am still in the selfish stage but he is the one who lied and I can only assume cheated (wont admit it because he keeps lying)! As far as being the vicitm I dont think of myself as the victim anymore although I did for the fist couple of weeks and that did not make things easier for me at all.
You are right the blame can go on forever for both parties involved. I know my ex blames me for things and that is how he justifes his lies. He even blames me for his lying??I guess I have chose to move beyond this for right now and focus on the positive things that can come out of this. I still have a little blame in the pit of my stomach but I am doing my best to keep a lid on it for now anyway!
