Re: I'm a newbie...and heartbroken changed4ever: I'm sorry for your pain, but know that you are much better to know this now than later down the road. I was with my STBX for 14 years( since my first year of college) married for 7 with two little girls. Trust me, if I can pick up the pieces and move on, so can you. I was devasted when I found out he cheated and later moved in with his girlfriend. I didn't think that he would ever do something like that. I swear I don't think that anyone has taken a break-up as bad as I did. I couldn't even type my story on OJAR until almost 8 months later, it was to painful. I know about the loneliness, the depression, the constant thinking about them. Time will dull your pain and you will be happy again. It gets better.
Please stay in school, you have no idea what kind of life altering decision you are contemplating. I know the job market stinks right now, but trust me a degree opens doors in the world. Without a degree, your earning potential decreases tremendously. Later in life, you will look back at the defining moments of your life and this will be one of them. Make sure you don't make rash decisions based on your pain. Trust me, in time this relationship will just be something you did once. It will just be a memory. You are a strong and smart person. Take care of yourself and know that we are always here to listen, even if you just want to vent. You will be ok.
Re: I'm a newbie...and heartbroken jfb: I am very sympathetic. Please believe me when I say STAY IN SCHOOL. A semester of rough grades is worth it, believe me. I have twice had to put off schooling for the same man. These two decision were the biggest mistakes of my life. I'm fighting to get back into my last program. My divorce would be a lot easier if I had stayed in school, if not just because at least that aspect of my life would have remained reasonably undisturbed.
Break-ups are hard, particularly when you have planned a future together.
Staying in College is the smartest thing you can do. You will absolutely regret leaving if you do so out of distraction and sorrow over this man. Think of it this way, College is something you can do for you. It's the career equivalent of a pedicure. You may be smart enough to design a space station, you need the degree to hone that. If the primary reason you are thinking of leaving is because of this man, don't leave. Education is the uniform to play in the job market. It's important that you give any decision about leaving careful thought, over months.
Speaking to a career counsellor might be a good idea as well. If you are concerned about being comfortable on campus or feel you made poor program choices based on this man, you could consider a switch in major or transfer schools. I would do this only after very careful thought. My decisions to leave were very split second, borne out of grief and confusion. They have severly interfered with my happiness, moreso than my marriage if you can believe it.
I feel for you. This is a very difficult time. I am very sympathetic about what you are going through. I know this letter may seem a little harsh. I don't mean it to be. I'm just trying to give you the benefit of my experience. I would not wish the results of my decisions on you. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you put months of thought into it.
Best wishes. Please update us when you are ready.
Re: I'm a newbie...and heartbroken cyncyn_22: I'm back! Hope everybody's having a great Monday.
Yesterday was miserable. I was around my family all day, around people I love, and I felt as miserable as ever.
Saturday, however, I felt so happy and cheerful you'd think none of this break up stuff had ever happened. All I could think about was how much I still loved my ex and how I have found it in my heart to forgive him.
Is this normal? I'm so confused right now. ???
cyncyn_22
I'm a newbie...and heartbroken cyncyn_22: My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago, after an almost 2-year relationship (Oct. 3 would've been our anniversary). He told me he has feelings for another woman, whom I know, and wants to work out his feelings before doing anything else with me or her.
But this hurts me so bad; if any of you knew my boyfriend, you would know that he was not the type of person who would do something like this.
We were planning on getting married when we finished college and I got a decent job, now all of my hopes and dreams with this man are gone.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened in my life and I don't know how to move on. I'm seriously considering dropping out of college, since the reason why I was in college in the first place was because of him.
Thankfully, I've been seeing a counselor here at the college, and maybe that will help. But I sought out this community because I know that all of you have been through this sort of thing before and maybe can offer me some help.
Any help would be much appreciated.
Re: I'm a newbie...and heartbroken Gem72: What ever you do...don't drop out of college b/c of him! I know this is a difficult time for you and no one likes it when someone they love puts them on hold. Try to steer your focus towards school until he figures out what he needs to do.
If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't wait on him. You deserve to have someone that wants you and only you.
Take care,
Gem72
