Re: I feel like dirt, he loves someone else.

Re: I feel like dirt, he loves someone else. alonewith2: Autumn,

Your story is similar to mine.  My husband and I started to drift apart, but I kept thinking they were things that we would eventually work out.  I didn't realize that too much time had passed by, and he had already moved on without me.  

He had met someone else and was deeply infatuated with her.  I think it was just the newness of meeting someone different.  The OW and I were very much different.  I can understand in a way how that could have happened, but I didn't understand why he didn't try to work things out with me first.  

I, too, thought that we could be happy together if we could just iron out the little differences that had come between us.  To this day, I still feel that if I had addressed these issues sooner, he wouldn't have found someone else, but I will never know.

After his year relationship with this OW, we did try to work things out.  However, too many things had passed between us that year that made it virtually impossible to start over.  It was almost as if it was either too late or too soon to be trying.  We ended up in the exact same situation another year later.  He wasn't happy, I wasn't happy, but instead of solving the issues, he went looking for someone else.

I'm not sure if things will work out for the two of you, but right now it seems that he has his mind set on this OW.  The only advice I can give you is to keep that hope in the back of your head, move on with your life, work on yourself and finding happiness, then if it was meant to two may get back together in the future.  

I feel like dirt, he loves someone else. autumn7: Hi guys,

I'm new here.  I've come here off and on for the past month or so.  I usually don't have a lot of time, but when I do have a few minutes, I really enjoy reading everyone's stories.  Makes me feel like I am not so alone.  

So here's my story, in case anyone is interested.  Telling it makes me feel somewhat better I suppose.  

So I've been married to who I thought was the most perfect husband for 4 years.  This Dec we will have been together a total for 7 years.  I'm 26.  Honestly, I cannot imagine a more perfect man for me, everything about him I love.  Of course he has faults like everyone else, but you know what I mean, I love so many things about him.  

So I thought things were basically going fine.  Except I do admit we drifted a bit in the past year or so...

Ok so I went away this summer.  I trusted him completely, never crossed my mind to be worried about him at all.  So I come home, he says he's met this other girl and wants a divorce.  I was, and am devastated, as I'm sure you can well imagine.  This girl is in his degree program and has an office right next to his!  He says he's never felt feelings like he feels for her (meaning even if he thought he loved me, he had no idea what love was til he met her).  We are still together, and I'm trying desparately to keep him...but he says he doesn't love me and hasn't for a long time, and only cares about her.  I've never hated anyone before but I sure as hell hate her.  I feel like if I met her at the wrong moment, I'd be capable of killing her (although I know this isn't really true).

So has anyone been though this kind of shit before??  I know you have, b/c I've read your stories!!  It's possible that we can work things out here, but I'm not sure.  I'm not sure I can deal with losing him...sounds so ridiculous in writing, but I love him so much and I feel like everything around me is crumbling and that I won't be able to cope if he does leave.  And if he does leave, will I really be able to NOT do something to this bitch that is ruining my life???  I hate her so much, and I'm not stupid, I know it's not all her fault, but god, she had (and has) a boyfriend when all this happened as well.  

Any advice would be great.  Mostly I just wanted to write.  I never thought I could hate someone, esp someone I don't even really know!
 Re: I feel like dirt, he loves someone else. ya_crow: Hi Autumn,
                I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Things like this can uncover emotions we never knew existed, and to extreems we never knew possible. I can't really advise on your situation as it's different to mine but you need to think about yourself and about self preservation. Look after yourself, protect yourself and never be afraid to share your feelings with those who care.
 Re: I feel like dirt, he loves someone else. skooz: Autumn,

I'm really sorry and I wish I could tell you things can be worked out, but it seems he's moved on with this other person. You shouldn't beg for love, from him or from anyone else for that matter. You say you think he's perfect, but why don't you think about yourself now? Does he really need to tell you all those things about the new person? I think he's being cruel in order to make a  point about meeting someone new. It's sad that he left his feelings drift away.

You say you feel like everything around you is crumbling. Yes, it feels like that, but it isn't like that. It was hard for me to believe there was a life beyond the initial stages of my separation, but I've come to a point when I realized there is life, there are new dreams, new hopes and much less pain than the one I felt before. I know it hurts so much sometimes you can't even breathe, but there will be better days, I promise.

What can I advise you? The same thing Ya did... Look after yourself, put yourself together, keep your chin up and don't let this man hurt you, no matter how much you love him. No one's worth our going down. You can't control other people's actions or feelings, but you can take control of your life and you better start doing it now, especially if this man has told you he doesn't love you anymore. Remember, don't beg... Move on!

Best of luck. We're here for you. PM if you need to talk to someone, OK?

 Re: I feel like dirt, he loves someone else. autumn7: Wow, thank you so much for the replies already.

No, I am not begging, just hoping.  He is being cruel a lot of the time.  But I want to believe he could be happy with me.  But I'm trying not to delude myself.  I don't want him under any condition, ie I sure as hell don't want him around if he is going to love her and not me, and if this has to happen I suppose now is better than when I am 36 for example. 

If we do break up, I will find it impossible to trust any will I know if he is telling the truth when he says he loves me?  I wonder if it is possible to ever find someone who would only want me, and love me.  sigh.

I have good days and bad days.  Today is a good one.  You'd know it if it wasn't.  ;)

Thanks again.  I'm sure I'll be around.  He takes the laptop to school a lot, so I don't have a lot of access to the wireless internet.
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