Re: new/hurting/etc. alonewith2: Welcome to Ojar, and thanks for posting your story!
Many of us still love our exs in some way. The pain thier actions have caused us will not magically wash away those emotions. Time will take care of that.
Right now you need to focus on yourself and your daughter. Try to rebuild your life and focus on the positives.
new/hurting/etc. acctinggirl: Hi everyone,
I think it will help to just write and get my story out and maybe get a little input on how to deal with what is going on from people that are also going through/have been through it.
I am 24, have a 4 yo daughter and was married for 5 years to my husband. I found out in early July he messed around with my 17 yo sister. We are separated and going through the divorce process(w/ mediation). He relocated b/c of his job about 90 miles away from me. I think the space helps somewhat. When I found about about him and my sister, I just shut down emotionally, I refused to let anything hurt me, just so I could function...I didnt want my emotions to affect my job. I think pushing all my emotion down though, has made me so angry. I know this sounds dumb, but it feels like my insides are hard as a rock. I feel like I need to cry so bad, but i just cant let it out.
I feel guilty b/c i honestly still love my husband in some ways, yet i am so disgusted that he could cheat on me, especially w/ my own sister. I feel like a bad person for still somewhat loving him, after what he has done.
He sees our daughter on Sun/Mon, and I drive to his house to drop her off. I feel like I am going to throw up the whole way i am driving to his house, b/c I know the emotional games he plays. I try to be really tough and not let him affect me, but it is so hard. He claims he still loves me and doesnt know if this divorce is the right thing, and I just dont know how to deal with that. I work so hard to get through a day/week and i feel o.k.....like i am going to be o.k. on my own, yet after i see him i feel like all that strength i built up is gone. I feel bad b/c i do miss him, and i do still love him in some ways, yet in other ways i hate him so much. He has controlled and ruined so much of me.
I have felt great at work the past couple months, i have gotten a promotion, and a raise. Working hard keeps my mind off other things. I just feel like I cant break free of him, and it is hard b/c I will have to see him every week b/c of our daughter.
No one knows he cheated on me except for my sister (obviously) and my best friend, it just feels good to get it out. Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice on how I can more easily get through this would be appreciated.
Re: new/hurting/etc. lookin4alite: Hi,
Welcome to Ojar. I am very sorry to hear what you husband did with your sister. First it is just wrong and second it is illegal too. I don't understand how a person can turn on their spouse so easily. It is a selfish act with no regard for you. You have to move forward and not look back. If he did this once, he will likely do it again. Do not feel you have to hide this issue. Your sister was wrong but being some 5-7 years younger, she does not understand the impact on your family.
We are here for you, please feel free to post often, PM any of us if necessary.
Take Care,
Lite
Re: new/hurting/etc. sheydp: Oh sweetie... I am sooooo sorry. What he did is so wrong on so many levels... Your sister was a minor, and he is obviously a manipulator. I, of everyone, really know why you want to protect him for your daughter's sake (check my profile and check my first thread). However, perhaps if more people knew they could support you better. Your sister undoubtedly doesn't want anyone to know, either, because she is probably ashamed, but she was probably taken advantage of.
As for other ways to help - can he meet you halfway? That way you have a shorter drive, and don't have to see/be part of his new life and location. It is so hard when part of you wants to get back together - but that will fade with time and as you move on with your life. With kids, we HAVE to deal with them - and the emotions aren't given a rest, because of repeated contact and reminders. But it DOES get easier, I promise.
As for the pushing it down/numbness.... the fact that you are posting, that you will get responses to your story - that you HAVE to deal with it... that will shatter the hard knot. The crying part is coming, honey, and we will be here when it does. (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
Shey
Re: new/hurting/etc. lost enigma: Wow,
I must say you have a lot of strengh to keep that bottled up. If i were in that position I dont think i could face life. I admire you.
As for your husband, let him play all the games he wants. Once a cheater always a cheater. He didn't think twice when he was with your sister. Now look what has happened.
As for your sister, take the high road. I cant believe a sister would do that. I guess you never know these days.
We're all here for some reason or another. Keep strong and vent as much as you want.
:)
