Dating so soon, fools wolly1234: It's been a rough one, this evening. It's working on midnight and I am still here. I learned a lot, though, from reading all the applicable post. Especially from one person who's situation is quite similar. Misery loves company, and finally I don't feel quite so isolated. Even though in reality I am.
WHen the stbx started dating so soon after our seperation, I was crushed. Very crushed. For me, For the kids. For friends and family. For her. Now I realize that she showed her true colors for all to see. Such a shame. SHe carries it like a badge. "See? He was such a terrible husband, I had to resort to this."
But I don't think anyone is that stupid. We went different directions. I am working on myself, she is working on the male population. "I want to try to make it on my own."
YEA RIGHT.
I will get back on my feet, someday. Hell, we aren't even close to being divorced yet, but that day will come. I'll be the better person for how I have handled it. Will she? There's a word for a woman with a mattress strapped to thier back. Who uses men ro make ends meet... But I won't dwell on it. I just wish for the kids sake she would have acted like the 40 year old she is. If she only understood the role of the fool she is playing.
I know before this is all over I should probally talk to a professional. But for now, I'll read a lot. Here and books. THis is a very helpful site. Who knows, maybe someday I'll find a decent woman,, but for now I am not interested in anyone but myself. I have to heal.
So who was the real victim?
Me and the kids, our families, our friends, our pets, our creditors, our employers, and everyone but her. But she is too selfish to see that. I pray for the kids.
The next time I get married, and I hope there is, it will be with someone who understands what commitment is. Truly understands. I know I am not a bad man. I am not rich, hell, I am poor as dirt right now. I let her have EVERYTHING, mostly for the kids. So anyone who meets me right now will have to like me for me. That's when you really find out about people. When you have nothing to offer but you.
So for now, I'll just keep coming back here, blowing off steam and trying to learn from those of you who are a few steps ahead of me. And try to help those who are a few steps behind. Maybe I will survive this. Sometimes it is hard. Thanks to those who speak wisdom, and those who speak from the heart. I never really understood just how hard divorce is. IT IS DEVASTATING. Completely and utterly.
Thank you.
Re:Dating so soon, fools aimeed1: IMO people who start dating that soon only mask the pain they are feeling. They think finding someone new will speed the healing process. I think she is so hurt she is trying to make you feel more pain. She is trying to show people hey look he didnt hurt me that bad im out having fun. Just my opinion of course.
I am like you I cant even look at other men right now I have no interest, I beleive in commitment and marriage. I dont think dating someone or leading them on is the right thing. Why hurt more people right? You are handleing this the right way because you have to look yourself in the mirror and having respect for yourself is so important. You really sound like a great guy it is her loss. Always remember people are more important then money, money comes and goes people cant be replaced so you have alot to offer someone even if you dont have money.
This is new to me and as of right now Im not even sure we are divorcing my husband is in a major depression and quite frankly he dosent even know who he is it is that bad. The pain is still here though and it is unbeleivable. The uncertainty of the future the financial strain it feels like everything just slammed down on your shoulders. I have had to give up school and my dream.
If there is one thing I have learned the last couple years of my life is you have to know where a person comes from to understand why they are where they are at today. Some people struggle with getting to close to someone so they screw it up, because maybe they dont feel worthy, thats just one example. It is something that person needs to work on and until it changes they will keep making the same mistakes in their relationships. The scenery will change but they wont. I am not excuseing the behavior because we can all change but it might be something to think about. Maybe it will make you feel better about who you are.
Re:Dating so soon, fools Bob-Bob: So many situations and feelings arise through the divorce and recovery process... so many insecurities and feelings... my wife cheated on me.
This threw me and most everyone that knew us for a complete loop. During my healing and rcovery I did date and found that there was great benefit for me in doing so... but I knew my marriage was over and that we were going on with our lives... we also did not have children to be concerned with exposing them to new people. All situations and things concerned I handled myself well. She did not...
I would say that each person has to deal with divorce and recovery in the way that benefits them the most...
Sorry you are going through this,
Bob
Re:Dating so soon, fools brynne: That's the best thing to do...be around & learn from those who have made it thru the battle. It is completely & utterly devestating...it's often compared to death...a slow death !
But you can learn so much & realize how strong you are...I never thought I'd have the courage to divorce my cheating husband, but you know what ? I did & I took him by complete surprise !
Good luck & Hang in there !!
Hope
Re:Dating so soon, fools mv2: My ex moved on, and moved in, with a man she barely knew, only months after our separation. I believe she has issues, needs financial support (she quit her job and hasn't worked in over a year) and always craved men's attention (hence the two affairs during our marraige).
But it's really not about them - it's about you. There is a morbid curiosity which I am learning to ignore. How are they doing together? How does he manage her depressions, here neediness, her cravings for attention from other men?
What I learned recently is to ignore it all. That's how to move on - worry about yourself and not what "they" are doing.
And try dating if you are ready. It's good for your self esteem. And as long as you are honest with the other person about just coming off a broken relationship and not looking for commitment right away, there's nothing wrong with it!
