A Mother's Story shadow205: I hope that you don't mind me joining this board since I am over 35. My dileima is my daughter whom I am trying desperately to help. She is currently seperated from her husband and really having a very hard time coping. She is 24 years old and began dating him when she was 16. They were together on and off and in November of 2002 got married. Hubby had an alcohol problem and spent a short time in therapy. They moved away to get a fresh start and everything seemed to be going great. Little did she know that he had began drinking again but was doing a good job hiding it from her. He started coming home late from work(said he was at work). One night she decided to check up on him and was waiting for him when he left work. He was not alone. He had a female with him that we now know he was spending lots of time with. My daughter was devistated. She loves him and wants their marriage to work even though he was unfaithful. Hubby is now living with the female that he was with that night. About 2 weeks after that night, my daughter found out that she was pregnant. I know that she thought that when she told her husband that he would come back but he didn't. He is still living with the other women. My daughter has now moved again to get away from the harassment of the other women. Can you beleive she actually called my daughter and tormented her? Hubby says that he wants to be a "Dad" and that he still Loves my Daughter but just doesn't know if he wants to be together. He seems to think that he can be a Father from 1000 miles away. My Daughter is adament that the other woman will never be a part of her childs life(she has 2 kids of her own by 2 different men, never married to either of them). I am trying so hard to be supportive of my Daughter and help her through this very emotional time. I know that she still hopes that they will work things out. They were still having communication up until last week. She told him that he had to make up his mind and that it was either all or nothiing. She told him that she would not play 2nd best to his girlfriend any longer. She has not heard from him since. I know that when it comes time for the baby to be born it is going to be very hard for her....how do I help her? I'm sorry if this was to long.
Re:A Mother's Story lightwaveryder: hi,
just my opinion here, but once that baby is born, she will receive all the unconditional love she will ever need. babies love their mommies. her 'need' for that person will fade, hopefully quickly.
i know that doesn't sound like what you wanted to hear, but it's the only sunshine i can see in that picture. She will need lots of help for the first few months, and you seem like the kind of person to give it to her, i hope she is smart enough to ask for and accept it.
~lightwaveryder~
A Mother's Story ChristyM: There's not much you can do since the decisions are ultimately going to be hers, but you can offer her all the support she needs. I think time is the best medicine in this situation. Once she has been away from him for awhile she will gain some perspective and possibly realize that she will be fine without him. It's tough enough finding strength when a spouse has left/cheated but I can only imagine even harder when you are expecting a baby. No matter what you may think of him, please remember that she loves him and has history with him and it will take her awhile to truly figure out how she feels about him. But, let her figure it out - try not to tell her how she should feel. Good luck...
Christy
Re:A Mother's Story EZ: Shadow
it goes without saying that none of us would wish this on our worst enemy.
to see ones own child suffer so much is beyond my scope of imagination.
like Christy said, these are her choices, and she must figure out what she feels , not be told what to feel.
you must be in so much pain yourself, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
one thing that your post did was to show me how my mother must be feeling. i never stopped to think about that. she has been great through all of my troubles and so strong, yet she respected my wishes, for my privacy.
i just never once thought about how much pain she must feel for me.
peace and love always
