My story here... Charlene: Hi, my name is Charlene. Thanks for having me :)
I met my boyfriend on a dating service in April. His picture was up and his profile so I responded to it. We got chatting and on to emailing and then talking on the phone. At the time I was in a good state of mind and felt healthy. Thought to put myself out there and date. I let him know that I would like to date and he agreed. Since I had been in a relationship the year before for a short time, I had learned a few things and the main thing is to just be myself and don't compromise my values. As it were, Neil had been married and divorced by the age of 30. He said this was behind him since it had been years. He said he had no baggage and I sure know I had none so we proceeded to date. Well, we hit it off. He was very attentive and affectionate which I love in a man. I was the same. We just seemed like we are meant to be because we were so in harmony with each other. Then one day I phoned him and this was my first time seeing the "other side". He was short with me and slightly rude that I would call him out of the blue. When I got off the phone, I felt like I should end it. I know that sounds drastic but it was a gut thing. Then I went to his hockey game and there was a young player who he dropped me for and spent most of the evening after the game with this fellow. He then told me he thinks he is good looking. Again, the gut thing. This just didn't sit well with me. Time went on and a new season of sports started and he joined the team. I would go with him to watch him play for weekend tournaments. He is very aggressive so went from this gentle guy to very aggressive natured and didn't drop it after the game was over. He would boss me around and basically neglect me. Then would come flowers at work and nice gestures. So, me CONFUSED :-\ As time went on he became friends with a teammate and this guy to me seemed in the closet. Just a womens intuition on that ;)
Put two and two together and I got thinking Neil is in the closet but would give my head a shake and tell myself that I'm not thinking correctly. BUT it's the gut thing. The sex, it became increasingly different, still enjoyable but a tad warped. Then of course the flowers and nice gestures. I bring this to today. He seems to have an identity issue and is in some form of hell on earth with it. I've asked that we break it off and we will for a week and then he's at my door hugging me with tears in his eyes that he can't go through with it and when I ask him what is going on inside of him, he says it's only me. How do you ask your boyfriend you are inlove with if he's in the closet?? I would like this to end but say I'm wrong. I won't give all the details unless I'm asked to but he seems to be struggling with his sexuality and gets very frustrated with it and me. So, here I am and that's Char's story.
thanks for listening :'(
Re: My story here... Dolphin Close: This is where gay friends come in handy.
If you have a gay friend, introduce him to your guy. Gays can 'smell' closets from a mile away. Gay-dar activate!
Also, never underestimate the first intuition. And for him to say another guy is good looking??? hmmmmm. One of the very basic differences that men have vs. women is that women can easily compliment other women without malice or double-guessing their sexuality. But men complimenting other men? Did I spell E-G-O right?
Re: My story here... Charlene: Hi, thanks Dolphin.
I do have a gay friend but they haven't met. However I did mention a few things to him and he said that he thinks he's gay from what I told him. This is something I've never come across - going out with a gay man! I mean, who has? Yes, I'm sure people have but how does one approach it? It's none of my business (I tell myself). Well, when it gets down to the wire, some things gotta give.... You see, I love him. This is the problem is that my heart has merged with his. My brother said to phone him and end it. He said phone him and tell him it's over and hang up the phone. Easier said than done! It's a crazy situation and really, I feel like I have some depression and stress from this that is making it so I can't think straight. Really, I would like to go on vacation for a month and come back with a clean slate. I need a clean slate. Believe me, I've tried everything but feel I just need to literally get away somewhere far for a while. ugh...
yep, E-G-O...
Re: My story here... Discarded: I would not progress this relationship any further than it already is.
If you are unsure of the relationship I would not progress it any further. Let things settle in.
If he is unsure of his sexual orientation I definately would not progress any further. Cheating comes in many forms, but a suppressed sexual orientation is something that YOU cannot fulfill as you have the wrong equiptment and emotional orientation to fulfill it. At some point this is going to come out, I would not want it to come out 1 - 60 years down the road when you are fully vested in this relationship.
I do not know of any men that would say another man is cute/gorgeous/ a hunk/good looking or any other terms down that line. The closest we come something like that is a guy who is "ripped" or "built" which refers only to muscle tone.
I am completely out of touch with gays though. I know next to nothing about it. If I offend anyone by anything I have put here I apologize for that - count it as ignorance on my part.
Discarded
