Wife is 37 going on 16 Falcon554: Im sure some of you read my story, and it seems to just get stranger by the day. Im really wondering now if my wife thinks of me as a father figure. She was molested by her dad at age 8 and I have been with her since she was 16 years old.
I know she his going thru some mid life crisis, and dealing with the abuse to. She seems to need my approval alot of the time. Just last Monday we got in a big fight and I thought she would never talk to me again. Well we had a long talk on Thursday and fixed alot of what was makeing me so damn angry.
Well yesterday she comes over to see my daughter and we have sex. First time in a month that we did have sex and it was great. I know she has been seeing someone, not serious but seeing him none the less.
So lastnight I had a date and she called me to see if I had sex with her, she thinks I did, that made her happy, then she tells me about the fight she had with her new boy. I told her, to heck with him, she said yea I dont need this fool.
I know I need to just get away from her but I think im addicted to not only the sex with her but the drama to. What a mess we have made of our lives.
By the way we have been together for 21 years married 19 of those.
Re: Wife is 37 going on 16 hardened_heart1970: you guys need to come to realize whether or not that you want to be together. the sex may be great in the first, and the thoughts of her may be great, but its only hurting you in the long run.
i cant see how people talk to the other about other relationships... that must be weird situation...
id get away from her, and if she wants you, shell come around.
Re: Wife is 37 going on 16 pflow3000: My X is 32 hanging out with the 21 year old crowd (she was in an abusive situation when she moved out and got hooked up at age 16 so she missed those party days) and is doing the drinking, tattoo on the ass, the mini-skirts and the rest of the stuff. She is also enjoying the attention she's getting from the young guys because she never felt pretty (the guy she was with before me was a drug addict with one of those baby hands...he just got out of prison) So she has definately not seen the better side of things until I popped in.
I was pretty popular guy with a real good job and a college degree when I rescued her and her kids from the ghetto. And although I did all I could to make her a better person...she found some other things that she hadn't experienced before and found them enjoyable. So on she went.
Now...she is realizing that my love was genuine and that I offered her more than she is finding out there. But it's a little too late for me. I AM worth more so I'm through with her as far as a couple and a relationship like that.
But I guess my point is...not by business....but...I think you are placing too much emphasis on sex. Don't get me wrong...I'm a guy and I need that too...but I have found that are more important things in life.
Just my opinion.
Re: Wife is 37 going on 16 Falcon554: I agree with you there is much more in life then sex. But I have felt so horrid for the last 5 months that any attention she gives me is all I seem to beable to get. Sad I know, im 41, with a crappy car, a tiny little hole in the wall to live in. Im not ugly at all, but my self asteam is so bad that I dont think ill ever be with anyone again. Its what the affair and divorce has done to me.
As for her, she is going thru the same thing that yours flow, it makes her feel good now to have guys look at her, come on to her. But as weird as it sounds she does not want to let me go and I dont want to let her go either. Its just killing me. I have tried to let her go many times only to have her come back.
As for the relationship talk, yea its weird but agian we have grown up together, and im her best friend and she mine. I know its very weird but its how it is. i know eveything about hte affair and the other guys, bcause she told me everything. Not details but almost :(. I cant hate her, I cant not be there for her either, because if I needed her she would be there for me in a second.
Very strange relationship ill tell you.
Re: Wife is 37 going on 16 pflow3000: Falcon,
I'm not gonna lie to you...I miss my X as well.
Sometimes I long for her to just be there to call me an A$$hole one more time or to tell me how my family sucks or how angry I make her.
And I've got the shattered self-esteem as well. I'm 33 years old. Living in my hometown in a make-shift apartment behind my parents' house in their converted garage. I haven't had a job in four years. I wear the same clothes that I had ten years ago. My car is the one I got her five years ago which she said is a piece of crap that I also now look at differently since I found out she had oral sex with some guy in it. I left most of my STUFF at our old place and have nothing to show for it. No bank account...I get by in life right now by scraping for aluminum cans and collecting change. Sometiems I can get an odd job or two like doing someone's roof or installing some windows...but those jobs are far between. And consider I have two young children with wants and needs living with me. I don't want to see them struggle like I had to as a child. And as for me...I'm a regular looking guy...not a stud. And it hurt to hear from this woman that she enjoyed her life now because the men she was with were "beautiful" or "gorgeous" because it reflects on me.
So I know what it's like to feel at the bottom of the barrel.
But something funny happened. I bought a couple of new outfits. Bought some new clothes for my kids. Lost some weight. And my X has not found the happiness she thought she would have once she was rid of me. I also realized that self-esteem...notice the word self....is something that I had control over. Not just how the world around me perceived me...but I had to make the changes in me...and I've decided that's what I'm gonna do...because I'm worth it...and my kids tell me so.
And I haven't talked to let alone dated another woman since my X but I'm hopeful that the right one will come in time. For me.
