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My letter to my wife :(

My letter to my wife :( Falcon554: Dear Sharon,

Although I have ALWAYS loved you with my heart and soul, I made you feel that EVERYTHING was more important to me than you. It never was the case, but that is how I made you feel and for that I am sorry. I did not realize how much it meant to you for me to be there for you and to make you feel loved. The hand holding, the hugs, public affection, letting you know how beautiful and appreciated you are, to name a few. I now see the things that I was lacking in. I just didn t understand how important that was to us. I now know.

I have made mistakes in the past that hurt you and that cannot be changed. What I have been able to do is recognize those errors in judgment and have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not occur again. I was selfishly caught up in myself, and with my selfishness and foolishness I helped create a void in our marriage that helped allow the affair with Issac to happen. I regret that we find ourselves in the situation we are now in. I never imagined this would happen to us.

I'm aware that my behavior in the past contributed in part to your unhappiness and the emotional estrangement between us. I have worked very hard these past 5 months to overcome that behavior, not only for you, but for me and our daughter and son as well. I wanted to be a better husband, a better father, but most importantly a better person. People can change if they're willing to take a long, hard look in the mirror and hold themselves accountable for who they are. I did that and I'm trying to be proud of the person I am becoming and will always strive to be better.

I still believe we can have a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage. I believe we can learn from our mistakes, grow from them and with effort and desire we can begin to slowly rebuild the love that was the foundation of our marriage and start to become a family again, for our sake and that of our kids. Think of how happy our family would be if our kids had parents who are in love with each other. I believe we can have a marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams. The kind of marriage we both imagined when we said "I do". I'm not naive, I know there's been a lot of damage done. We would need the help of a marriage councclor to guide us in learning better ways to communicate, meet each other's emotional needs and begin to rekindle the spark of emotional intimacy between us. It won't be easy, but it can be done.

I've suffered tremendous pain from seeing our marriage falling apart and learning about your relationship with Issac and Shane, but I never stopped loving you and I never forgot what a wonderful person you are and how much joy you brought me and our family. That gave me the strength and hope to go on. But the pain has became too much to bear and I cannot continue to live the way we are, so I had no choice but to separate for my own emotional well being. This wasn't an easy thing for me to do, but it was a necessary step. This is not to punish you, it is to protect my feelings for you, and protect any kinda of relationship we can have,if we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left.

I do not want this Divorce. I want to be your husband, in every sense of the word. I want to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, share the joy of raising a family with you. I want to grow old with you. As much as I want this, you have made it clear that you don't, and as long as you feel this way, I cannot be a part of your life except as the father of your kids, it is simply too painful. Therefore, I must ask you not to contact me except for issues regarding the kids. This is something I believe is necessary to preserve and protect the love I still have for you before it slips away. I have asked your mother to be a liason between us and you may e-mail me.

As always, I will continue to be the best father I can be and do whatever is necessary to insure our kids  happiness and make their life as fulfilling as possible.

I love you Sharon. You will always be very special to me. You are the only person I have allowed myself to love so deeply. I loved you more than life itself while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this. I look back through our life and I choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I forgive whatever pain you have caused and hope that in time you will forgive me too. I just cannot be with you or see you while you still may be involved with another man and feel the need to have a separate life without me.

If, down the road, you have a change of heart and decide you want to give our marriage a chance, I am open to discussing it with you and working out a plan to restore our marriage and make it what we only dreamed it could be, but I will need to know you are committed to our marriage. I still love you, and as I said before, I believe in our marriage and I am willing to do whatever ever is necessary, but until that time, please respect my wishes.

All my love,

That is a beautiful letter!  It brought tears to my eyes(well that was easy to do today considering my whole day, I shed many tears today).  I wish all men and women shared our views and commitment to marriage.  I wish you all the best and if that letter doesn't touch her, I don't know what will.

PS-thanks for all the pms today, they helped knowing that someone I don't really know in life cares.  It was very nice and thoughtful of you.  I emailed you those pics too.
 Falcon554: Thanks, I do cherish my marriage, I just wish I cherish her more when we were together. I did not get the pics for some reason ill pm you my email again maybe i messed it up.
 hurtandangry: Falcon,

That letter could have come from me.  My wife and I went through the exact same thing I hear in your letter.  I was a good husband and father but was not providing her the basic things to make her happy.  We lost touch as friends and became more like roomates that husband and wife.  My wife did not know how important she really was to me because I never showed her.  Meanwhile, I ignored all her cries for help and pretended everything was OK.  Like your wife, my wife got tired of this and found the things she needed in an affair.

I just found out about it all last month.  After all the anger and pain, I too took a deep look at myself and decided that I could either run away or use this as a way to make myself better. 

My wife has decided to committ to trying to make things work as well and for that I am eternally grateful.  She is clearly wrong for what she did, but she is willing to own up to it and try to fix it.

Hang in there.  There is still a chance that your wife will come out of the fog she is in and see that she still loves you.  In my case, it took several heart to heart conversations where I talked about all the things I regretted and told her my vision of how things could be.  Perhaps before you start a strict no contact, you sit her down and talk about that? 

I wish you the best!   

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