New need help staying strong Flyingsolo: Hi, I'll make this as short as possible. I just need to know how to stay strong and be single for a change. I am a young mother of a 3 year old boy. My husband and I split in June and I immediately found a new guy to date. I knew he wasn't right for me but I continued to date him on and off. This last time I got back together with him we had not talked for a month and a half, I really enjoyed hanging out with him for like a week and then I realized he had the same qualities I told my ex I didn't like in him-no ambition or education, etc. So tonight I told him I didn't want to date him anymore he wanted to be just friends and I told him I didn't think that was a good idea so he said don't ever call him again because he always gets hurt. (note that he called me continuously for three weeks this last time before we got back together and I finally answered and thats how we started dating again) We were suppose to hang out all day tomorrow and I would love to hang out with him but I'm afraid there are too many feelings involved already and it would be impossible to be just friends. I do have feelings for him but I don't think he is the right guy for me but I have not been single for five years and I don't know how to be strong. I want to call him and say forget everything I just said can we hang out tomorrow, I know its the absolute wrong thing to do for both of us but I just need to know how to move on and be single and not feel like I have a void that needs to be filled. I guess I am codependent, any words of advice would be GREATLY appreciated-thank you. (Sorry that wasn't very short :-[)
Re: New need help staying strong manda: It is very hard to be alone and I think that is the source of your problem right now. You don't really want to be alone. But maybe you need to find some friends of the same sex to hang out with. Other moms would be a good start.
I really do understand what you are going through but you need some time apart from a relationship.
Or at least, most of us do.
Re: New need help staying strong techick: It's great that you see the pit fall before you! Now you just need the strength to act on that and to not let your lonely heart pull you back into a relationship like the one you just got out of!
I have had the same trouble, guys wanting to be "friends" and I knwo they have feelings for me and sometimes I DO convince myself that maybe I was too hard or it can all get sorted or whatever!!! But I am learning something in life and that it to trust my feelings and if your feelings were strong enough to TELL him that you want things to be over, romantically, then that is what you KNOW is best for you. So unless he can REALLY just be a friend (had this happen with a few people) then PLEASE just let him go his own way, for you and for HIM. I hate it when I have to do that but I learned from my first experience in this, that some people jsut aren't goign to stop wanting to be together and every time you see or talk to them, they get their hopes and (and usually WAY UP) and then you have to break their heart all over again when you were HONEST and told them it was never going to be romantic...but they just don't get that and it ends up hurting them fresh, every time:(
So I would say, at this point with his reaction to the news and all, to simply let him go his own way and know that, that was the best thing you could do for him.....and in the end for you, as you won't have the temptation of an available heart to fall into when you are feeling down and/needy (not in a bad way, but best way to describe that).
That's my 2 cents on it, after having been through it quite a few times actually. And it doesn't always have to be this way, some of my best friends are guys that once wanted to date me and we are REALLY ok with it now:)
Anyway, good luck:):):)
