Update: On Perverted Brother In Law Macaw_Lover: I wanted to put the original post in this thread to make it easier, but unfortunately I can't find it even. So I will repost the original thread and then the updates below. Thanks everyone for your time in reading this problem of mine as well as your support. I really need it so much right now.
I'm sure this isn't the correct post to type this in and I appologize, but some of you on here seem to have some good insight and maybe if only helping words, advice or opinions could help ease this situation for me a little bit. I will get right into it, my brother in law has been sexually harrasing me since I turned 18 and I am now 25. Many of the things were subtle, I trusted him a lot and didn't see them maybe had an uneasy feeling, but yet trusted him completely. Keep in mind my sister is 41 years old and so there is a big age gap to where my brother in law has well I don't remember a time him not being in my life. My sister is a very loving, caring, honest, thoughtful and beautiful person, but as many she has her faults of being naive, to trusting, avoiding lifes hard situations by shoving them under the rug and also she has a bit of a low self esteem along with having a bit of a weak personality of standing up for herself. I say this in love as my sister means everything to me and I am not trying to put her down in any way of course. Some things my brother in law has done is one we went up on a snowmobiling trip with my oldest sister(not his wife), her husband, and there 4 boys along with the two of us, under circumstances without going into detail we ended up having to sleep in the same bed. I woke up in the middle of the night to find him spooning me with his hand across my chest. Screamed at him, only for me to fall asleep and wake up again later that night with him sitting up in the bed with his hand up my shirt giving me a back massage. A massage to me is very intimate and either way I did not say he could touch me and in my eyes should have not even entered his mind to touch me. My oldest sister I never told about this due to our relationship and fear she would not believe what I was telling her. Years later she came to me and said that he made a major pass at her also when her husband was away fishing. That is when some of this stuff starting pouring together and needless to say my oldest sister told my other sister about this out of town experience and she said that I was mistaken the situation and made it into something that wasn't and that she herself was a liar. There was a period in my life that for a brief 2 months I was a dancer and he knew, again I trusted him and wasn't exactly airing this news of my new found job to my family and well he came down there to "watch" me dance. It was no accident he knew I was there. We used to work out together and I would say he was motivation for me to do so and he would want to measure my thighs, arms, neck, ankles, chest, waist etc and he would say to lower my pants for him to measure my accomplishes of weight loss and I would be uneasy and thats when he would say "Come on I don't look at you in that way and even if you weren't my sister in law your not my type" so he would turn it around and make me feel stupid for even thinking that he was having dirty thoughts. Others he would do is one night we were at the bar he grabbed my boobs in a "joke" he was telling me, I fell right into it. Then well he knows that his wife knows about the out of town experience even though he got away without a scratch because she chooses not to believe, he said "I don't trust you and the only way for me to trust you again is for you to grab my balls then I would have something over you". Obviously and I didn't need prove of this he feels the need to "have" something over me. My oldest sister back in May told her of all this new stuff, ya it probably wasn't her place but I didn't have the spine to do it myself. The reason she wanted to be honest is because now my sister is looking to uproot her life and kids oh ya they have 2 kids together, so move to another state and she has been crying about this for 6 months. My sister and brother in law for years have shown not one ounce of affection for one another and it maybe is just me but her kids are getting older and they will notice this, especially even going to friends houses and seeing maybe there parents acting in a more loving way towards one another. It has been 4 months and my sister will not talk to either me or my oldest sister. She is going to move and it tears me up. I know she is an adult and will make her choices it just hurts to think that she thinks this is all being made up, like we want to hurt her, but we love her! My mom is saying "it isn't her place" so she continues to treat as if nothing is wrong. I'm not saying she should jump in and just fix it all, but in my eyes she is condoning what he has done and sideing with the one who has hurt all 3 of her daughters.
Update: On Perverted Brother In Law Macaw_Lover: My dad of course has had a passion about it, but has since fizzled. He at one point literally wanted to kill him for what he has done. Have a brother to out of state and he to is very upset, but hard as he isn't even in town with us. I have been nervous to call my sister but have tried and today she is now putting her house up for sale. I feel my brother in law is laughing away at the fact that everyone knows and no one is doing anything and he basically is getting away with everything. It's not fair. Do you think that we should have never said anything to my sister? I feel that she should know, I mean as hard as it would be for me to find out I think I would still want and feel the right to know. I know this post is long and i'm not even detailing many of the events of things he has done to me, but if I did well I'm not sure this post would alot enough room for that! Please if anyone has questions, thoughts, opinions and advice on what I should do, could do or can do I would love to hear from you. Thanks for your time in reading this and look forward to hearing from you soon!
Update: On Perverted Brother In Law Macaw_Lover: Ok for those of you out there who have read my crisis going on in my family I wanted to update you.
My sister called me at work today. I was completely shocked and haven't spoke with her since Feb I think? We spoke about the issues at hand and basically in so many words she said that I was confused, naive and that I was at fault and had to admit to my mistakes. That he husband is not perfect, but that I took everything out of context. She said that it was all misunderstandings and I was to young to understand guys behavior and that they can have crude/flirtatious ways.
I think that is complete S#$&! I think you are either a bad behaving person or your not! She is trying to use that fact that i'm only 25, which I might add isn't exactly like a teenager!
She said she thinks her husband didn't get a fair shake in all this. She said that "he needs lessons" in sensativity, but aside from making some bad choices he didn't do anything to hurt you. She said that until I resolve my issues and hash things out with her husband that things wont' work. She said that if I come between her and her husband that she is prepared to cut me from her life! That made me cry my eyes out! Then I asked her if she wanted me to "Lie to her and TELL her I was lying". She didn't say anything. She claims that her husband never suggested doing playboy and he was only trying to help me out in fear that I would go have some sleazeball take my pictures. HE SUGGESTED IT! He said that he went to the strip club because he couldn't believe I worked there, and she said that he asked her if she wanted to go. However he told me, if you talk to my wife I WAS NEVER HERE! Also when I would work out there, my sister claimed she knew, and I said thats funny why would He tell me I couldn't come over because she was home......then I told her that I would appreciate those topless pictures back and I admitted on how that was a bad choice, but I trusted him. She said she asked him about it and he doesn't have them, that he forgot about them and that he was JUST joking and she said I am just not old enough to understand men's humor! Please the more and more she talked I just wanted to say this is CRAP. I just said you already have it made up in your head that I'm lying to you so it does no good to continue this.....she said that as years go by your memories become muffled......
She said that one day a few weeks ago I called and he answered and I yelled at him demanding that I NEEDED to talk to my sister and she was at work....and that I hung up on him. I said I didn't do that, and she said yes you did and I said come on I'm going to admit to you about your husband taking topless pictures to you, but yet LIE about a lousy made up hang up and scolding???
Wow there is so much more I need to say, but I have to meet a friend at her house at 630 and leave in 30 min. I will post hopefully more about todays SUPRISE convo tomorrow......feedback/comments in the meantime are much needed and welcome! I need support, this is breaking my heart in two.
Re: Update: On Perverted Brother In Law Frazzled Nomad: ok i'm not gonna sugar coat my opinion this guy sounds like a complete f*cking jerk! with a HORRIBLE attitude towards women. what is he, 14? why does your sister deserve this crap? damn straight she should move out. and you should tell him to GTFO of your life as well! there's 'sensitivity issues' and then there's being a sleazy a*hole.
sorry but i just don't see ANY possible justification for putting up with this stuff. and he'll keep doing it cos he thinks he can get away with it.
Re: Update: On Perverted Brother In Law MsHippie: My oh my. What a complete shithead. Your sister, it sounds, is going to learn the hard way. You are 25 years old, a grown woman, who knows the difference between a "guy humor" kind of joke and serious harassment. This guy sounds very sleazy and I don't know if she has just been completely blinded by him and his lies or if she feels she loves him too much to do anything about it.... you should not compromise with her on this though, even if it means she shuts you out. I would say call her, write, her be extremely calm and upfront and let her know how much you love her and care for her but that you are 100% accurate in what his attitude and intentions were and you are genuinely worried for her. Too bad you can't set up a camera and get the f**kers disgusting behavior on tape. Ugh. I'm sorry you are going through this...
