Advice needed

Advice needed Bryna: Hi Everyone, I have been reading your posts for the past few days and I think you guys are amazing, its so nice to see that there is support for people going through heartache. I wasn't married but I was in a longterm relationship that just ended a month ago. Things seemed to be going amazing. My boyfriend had been planning to move to another place for his career change and I had decided that I would also go back to school and picked the one that would be near him, he thought this was great that way I wouldnt have to be alone in a new place. We weren't living together yet but I was always at his place, even when he was gone away (I would watch his dog) I knew that he was making a lot of trips to this place because he was preparing for his new job and stuff and he has family and friends there as well. His last trip there he told me that he had been hanging out with his bestfriends sister in law (by the way when he moves he will be living with his bestfriend and his wife) That girl had recently gotten divorced but he said they were just friends and have been for years. I trusted him, he gave me no reason not to! Then a week later he told me he was stressed and had to go visit family to get away and asked me to stay with his dog, I did, I also cleaned his home top to bottom as a surprise, doing his laudry, the whole deal. When he got back he was very distant but I thought it was still stress. The next weekend he asked me not to come over, said he was stressed again. I found out shortly after that both weekends he was with this girl. He denys anything more then friends but his bestfriend told me different, he told me that my guy was having a hard time deciding who he wanted but that I should walk away to save myself the hurt because from the way things were going it was most likely going to be the other girl that he picked. I was shocked! and extremely hurt. I did walk away but not before confronting him and he still says its not true but that he wants to be single. That was a month ago, and I know he has spent every weekend with her (they live 3 hrs away from each other but manage to make the trip each weekend).  I have tried to talk to him but he doesnt respond, its been a week now that I haven't tried and its killing me. I thought he was the one for me, I was madly in love with him. I know I did to much for him, more then she ever will! I guess the advice I need is how do I stop myself from thinking there was something wrong with me, that he chose her because she was better (looks, career, everything). It hurts to know that he he out having fun with her and I am here making myself sick crying over a guy that picked someone else. I've tried to keep busy but its not working, I end up at night just dwelling over this, I'm not sleeping or eating. I know it could be way worse, I get that but in my eyes he was special and losing him feels like the worst possible thing right now, and losing him to someone else just makes it harder. I still am going to move and go back to school, but now I will be alone, I don't know anyone there. I don't think I will be able to be friends with him if he does talk to me again because I won't be able to be around him with his new girlfriend (if by then he even admits she is). I really need some advice, how do you cope when they leave you for someone else? I know most of you were married or engagged and this may be posted in the wrong place but any advice would be great. Thanks
Re: Advice needed RSGinATX: [quote author=Bryna link=topic=21558.msg201627#msg201627 date=1131843495">
I really need some advice, how do you cope when they leave you for someone else? I know most of you were married or engagged and this may be posted in the wrong place but any advice would be great. Thanks
[/quote">

Not the wrong plae at all, Bryna.  Welcome to Ojar.

Nobody copes with a breakup..at first.  Just about everyone on here has gone through the same difficulties you're going through now.  Eating problems, sleeping problems, inability to work, fear, depression, etc.  There's no easy or instant solution to the hurt you feel.

Some suggestions for getting through the days a little better:

Get outside.  Go to the gym, go for walks, drive, whatever.  Just don't keep yourself locked up.  If you don't feel up to being outside, at least keep the blinds open and have some background sound..tv, radio, open window.  your mood will gravitate to your environment...better to be bright and alive than dark and empty.

Make lists...things you need to do, things you wish you'd done, things you want to do now that you're single.  Be sure to mark off your to-do's and your goals when you complete them.  Refer to your lists often...make a lack of completions push you to get going, and let the completed tasks motivate you to reach farther.

Keep 2 journals.  one for the good parts of your life and one for the bad.  In the 'bad' journal, include the negative thoughts you have about yourself and be sure to leave space to make comments later.  Set days when you will go back through your bad journal to highlight things that are irrational or didn't turn out as bad as you thought..use your comment sapce to correct your thought..use your 'good' journal as a reference when correcting the 'bad' journal.

Let yourself be sad when you're sad, and happy when you're happy.  resisting either one will only hurt more in the end.

Good luck, Bryna {{HUG}}
Re: Advice needed hardened_heart1970: hes drowning himself in his new woman, so he wont have to face his emotions.

it will, and is hard, but you need to do things for yourself, and forget him. he left you, and if he done it once, it will happen again..

its a shame, that everyone is going through this, and it suxs. but we are on a better path, and we are young, and can start over. im old as dirt, and its harder to start over........

hold your head high, and do some of those other suggestoins, they will help. and post alot........

best wishes, and luck....... dan
Re: Advice needed brynnemichele: I would not move to where he is.  In fact, I would move as far away from him as possible.  He was breaking up with you anyway, he should have told you the truth about the ow.  Well you already knew the truth he should have just admitted it.  His constant denial to your face when you both knew otherwise just shows how little respect he has for you.
Re: Advice needed lost enigma: Bryna,

Welcome to Ojar,

First of all, let me say that I am so sorry you are going through this.  There really is no other pain one can experience that is similar to heartache. 
Your ex is a coward, he doesnt know what he has lost, chances are that he wont ever realise.  He seems like he has no remorse for what he has done, because he is still denying it. He clearly has no respect for your feelings.

In time the pain you feel will go away. Its normal to go through what you are going through right now, but not to worry, every dog has his day.