my sob story newsinglemom: I am new to this, so please bare with me.
My soon-to-be ex-husband and I have been together six years, five of them married. We were young - 20 and 21. He was anxious to have children, so I obliged, and a year after our marriage, we had our first child. During our marriage, we experienced a lot of obstables (financial problems, family problems, deaths in family, new jobs, etc.) Over the five years, he gradually started drifting away...spending more than usual time with the guys, keeping his cell phone at his side at all times, coming home late with excuses galore, the usual crap. I would get upset, confront him, and he would end up pissed off and not fessing up. Well, we "accidentally" had another child, and that complicated the stress we were already feeling. (Keep in mind that we still loved each other.) When I was three weeks post-pardom with baby #2, he went to a party, got piss drunk, and had sex with a stranger. (He fessed up to that about a month after it happened. I wasn't too crushed b/c it was only physical, not emotional.) The climax of the story happened five months ago when he was hired as a career firefighter. He started going out and drinking with his firefighter buddies (most of whom are single or divorced) 2 or 3 nights a week and would roll in at 4:30am. We bought our first house a few months ago, and I found out he had been seeing a girl while we were closing on the house. I complained, stating that he had to remember he was married with two small children. (We have 2 boys - ages 4 and 1.) He didn't like the fact that I complained about it. I know he looks for women on the internet, flirts constantly, has lots of girl "friends", loves porn, has no spiritual life (and I do), and the list goes on. So, we have decided to file for divorce after the holidays (when it is financially feasible) and be friendly about it (avoid the nastiness, fighting, just split peacefully). He admiited that I deserve better.
Here are my issues:
I feel relieved b/c I have been unhappy for a couple of years. BUT our kids are so young. I will get custody of the children, but he is an excellent father, and I know he will see them frequently. I am soooooo sad that neither one of the kids will remember what life is like with mom and dad in the house together. I am sooo depressed. I feel like I have just been a piece of meat to him. I was so pretty and fit when we got married. Now I have extra "mommy" pounds and major baggage. Who will ever want me? How can I possibly date again? It will be nice to go out again, but so what? All of my friends hated him (hello?? why didn't I listen to them??), so now we don't keep in touch. My only friends are mutual friends from the marriage. I feel so alone. I can't sleep at night. And I look at my beautiful children and get sad b/c they deserve the perfect family life that I had hoped to give them. There's a lot more to my story... Where do I go from here??
Re: my sob story Trying2Hope: Welcome. Unfortunately, welcome.
Your story sounds so like the hundreds I've read here. People here don't know exactly what you're feeling, but I'm absolutely sure that they can relate.
Know that you are not alone, and that people here really care.
Re: my sob story lookin4alite: Its true, you will heal and you will find love again. Keep in mind, it will be in Gods time when he thinks you are good and ready. In the meantime focus on you and your children. It will be difficult I can't lie to you. I have three of my own. I thought no one would want me.... 36 man with 3 kids (11g, 7g and 5b) so I thought God was not on my side. But I prayed and prayed and God sent me a wonderful woman with 3 kids of her own. So now my nickname is Brady.... ;D
but I wouldn't change it for anything in this world.
take care,
lite
Re: my sob story MsHippie: I'm in a similar situation except my husband didn't cheat (that i know of). He was frequently an a**hole though, others warned me, and we have a 2yr old, 1 yr old, and baby due in Feb. Separated for a few weeks now. It's so hard. What keeps me going though is knowing that even though the kids have 2 different homes now, it's a much better environment for them. It's better that children come from a broken home than live in one. I can't really offer much in the way of advice because I'm at the beginning stages of my "situation". Just wanted to tell you you're not alone and we can make it through this and be strong, wonderful role models for our children!
Re: my sob story manda: I'm one of those kids who doesn't remember my parents being together because I was 3 when they split. Here's the thing, I grew up thinking that was normal life and I remember at one time wondering why my best friend didn't go see her "other" dad.
And now, I have four parents and my son has lots of grandparents and...I'm not saying it's all peaches and cream--lord no, I have written posts on here about the difficult things I went through later, much later that were associated with having divorced parents, but really at this age, they are in the best position to heal and move on.
ANd you will get to heal and move on. I bet you will start focusing on yourself and end up very pleased with the results, too. Your life sounds difficult up until now. This other stuff will be less stress than some of what you mentioned.
Good luck. We will be here whenever you need us. Oh, and we may need you too. :)
