Re: Why am I always confused??? TrueBlue: Actually, here (I live in India), I can stop a legal divorce. That is what has made this decision so difficult. I could drag the divorce on for years. The lawyer said between three and seven years if I contest it. But what would that do to the boys. Nothing good, so that isn't the best route.
Once divorced, and once we leave, I will most likely never see my husband again. Perhaps it is better that way, but I don't want it that way. I guess it will be a clean break, but it is so hard to think of it that way when I don't want any kind of break at all!
There is so much to think about. I have to move all of my stuff, and the boys' stuff back to the US, move my stuff from CA to where ever I can get a job... not to mention get a car, somewhere to live etc. This is so complicated.
I spoke to my dad last night. He is being very supportive, in that this is the right decision. It is better to do this as friends instead of as enemies. But, I honestly don't know how this visitation will look, and it will break my sons' hearts to be away from their grandmother.... what a mess.
Re: Why am I always confused??? dgiirl: There's a difference between an emotional divorce and a legal divorce. You cant stop a legal divorce. Why bother trying? You will only cause more tension in your relationship which will surely lead to an emotional divorce. If your husband wants a legal divorce, then agree to it and give it to him. That does not mean you shouldnt protect your interests, but there's no point in fighting it. If he doesnt want to stay, he's going to leave, regardless of what you do. Remember, it's just a piece of paper. If you two are really meant to be, you can always get remarried in the future.
Why am I always confused??? TrueBlue: Sorry, about the rambling... I started on one topic and went all over the place with this. Today is one of my cry my eyes out days. I am thousands of miles away from my family, and it's a holiday. A big holiday in my family, and my husband is being a butt.
Most days I deal with this whole "I want a divorce" thing pretty well.. okay, I just ignore my husband most of the time, and try to be a normal mom for my boys. I get along with my mother-in-law very well, she lives with us. Mostly, now-a-days we complain about him together, not complain exactly, but worry because he is acting so terribly. One of his cousins (very close like a sister) has been seriously ill and he doesn't even care. He won't even call to talk to her.
Then, I have days like today when I think that I would be happier without him, that I don't really like dealing with him most of the time. He is too serious, which when we got married I thought was a good thing, but it drags me down. If I agree to the divorce then we can be finished in months. If I don't agree, it could take years. I don't know what I want to do. I don't want a divorce.... but I can't figure out why.
Then, I feel like I love him, but I wonder if I love HIM, or I love the marriage I wish we had. Does that make sense? Maybe I just don't want to lose the marriage and maybe my desire to keep the marriage together is only because I don't want to fail at another thing in my life.
Why can't I find one train of thought and stick with it. Why am I always so confused. And why oh why can I not make up my mind about this?
I wish there was some book that said... here is the right reason(s), and here is the wrong reason(s). Someone should make a manual!
Blue
Re: Why am I always confused??? EssieDotCom: i am right there with you. I'm seperated from my husband right now, but very confused. When i talk to him on the phone i feel i love him and when he ends a conversation he says he loves me like we always have. but, he has also said, a month ago b4 the kids and i moved that he didnt knowwhat he wanted out of this marriage. So with the i loves you and the i miss yous, i feel so confused too........ :-\
Re: Why am I always confused??? hurtnlost: [quote author=TrueBlue link=topic=22005.msg204991#msg204991 date=1132844009">
Then, I feel like I love him, but I wonder if I love HIM, or I love the marriage I wish we had. Does that make sense? Maybe I just don't want to lose the marriage and maybe my desire to keep the marriage together is only because I don't want to fail at another thing in my life.
[/quote">
TrueBlue - I understand this completely. Sometimes I feel like I loved the security in my marriage and that someone was there to love me and naturally you feel love for him b/c you have children together and you probably will always feel something for him. My husband asked for the divorce and in some ways I am ready to move on with it but then there is the other part of me that says is this the reason I am so upset and worried is because of the life I was used to and the routine? I am not sure what will help us find the answers other than time. I know that even if he wanted me back I would not go b/c of all the hurt he has put me through. I have 2 boys also and I need to be strong for them. If you ever wanna chat more feel free to contact me.
adh
