What Do Others Make Of This??? DadInAB: History: been together 9 years this october. not married, 1 kid between us age 6, two other children aged 9 and 11 i have been a father figure to for these 9 years. she left 10 months ago and moved 2000k west and has continued to blaim her cheating on me while i cried and begged for her to come back. 3 months ago our youngest that was in my care and custody (sole) was taken from me via child and family services based on lies and arguements her mother fed to child and family services 6 months ealier when she kidnapped our youngest and had to have the police and courts intervine. the lies she told ended up catching up with us the day i was moving 1000k more west to a new city to a 50k a year job in writing. i found out on the day of temporary custody pre-trial where the lies and insults came from because they didnt screen her name out of the disclosure (oops) like they were supposed to.
I found out from her father in law she was seeing some new guy just before this. It really hurt but I think it was to be expected just more history repeating itself and im still spinning and i think i always will spin but what hell can i do when I'm powerless to change the situation......
I had initiated no-contact again for the `hundredth or so time and told her all contact would have to be through lawyers (i have one she doesnt) but I called her myself twice after each court date and kept her in the loop. if it wasnt court there was no contact and it hurt but i somehow did it and only managed to talk to her twice in six weeks......
I told myself I wasnt going to call her any more more or less because of the way she made me feel and the fact that my daughter is in the care of child and family services because of her lies and insults while the court process rolls and checks out everything she has lied about....
so she calls and leaves a voice mail message last friday that i got on sunday/monday morning. she says she wants talk to me about our kid and court so i call her. she asks whats going on all crying and stuff so i fill her in as she tells me how bad her life is and how she cant function because our child was apprehended which led to her not being able to work which turned out to really be that she couldnt find childcare for the kids so she could get to work which meant she was broke and almost starving and her and her boyfriend must of broke up cause they hadnt seen each other in 6 days to how she never fell out of love with me and she might be sick with something in her lungs to she might be moving to the united states to stay with her aunt and cousins 500kilometers south or up to the city 300 kilometers north of me and she had options but that i should know she almost lost it and was now getting help for it and how did i feel about it and what did i want and what and who i was doing?
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Re: What Do Others Make Of This??? DadInAB: so i told her i was with this older gal who had been single for 4 years and took really great care of herself. owned her own successfull business and worked, had a third degree black belt in karate, worked out every day, ate healthy, didnt smoke, didnt drink, didnt do drugs, had savings and plans to travel the world with it drove a hot new customized sports car and absolutely loves the way my cock tickles her and we're maybe preagnant and getting married and wants desperatley to have our daughter in her life to teach and learn with and was completely willing to dedicate absolutely everything about her to myself, our daughter and our relationship.....
...... and that the only problem was she had no back bone and it was very apparent she was willing to let me rule and control absolutely every aspect of the relationship and im having some doubts about wanting to move on with a life with her because of that quark.....
and that 6 months earlier when i saved her cousins ass and she told me the truth that my ex had been screwing this guy and cheating on me that i screwed her cousin and she was absolutely the best sex i have ever had or would have in my life and i knew it.....
i asked her if me screwing her cousin was the reason she would never come home and she said yes.....i asked her if she loved me and she never answered....
our conversation was going some where........
she told me she had sex with a girl a few days before she left all fried on coke.....
she said she never wanted any of this....
what everyone saw was a front....
everyone let her down and did i hear her?
did i understand what she was saying?
she had no more fight left - there was nothing left inside of her to fight with.
to her saying how much she tried to how she doesnt know what she wants......
to her boyfriend comming over that night and her turning off the ringer...
to her getting paid and now i am of no value...
YOU READ BETWEEN THE LINES OR SOMETHING OR YOU DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS SAYING TO YOU IF THATS WHAT YOU THINK
I MEANT BECAUSE I SAID IT YOUR WRONG AND FUCKED UP.....
blah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need to break free of this freak my love for her processess me like a fatal sickness and i can not live me live with this lady in my life only half way.
either totally in or totally out no exceptions my family and our lives can be repaired if we're together and we both want to work on it or it will for ever always be a family of hurt and torture while everyone grows and goes their seperate lives. my child is being scarred and hurt for the rest of her life and i love her so much but there is nothing that I can do to help her right now and i feel i owe it to my daughter to do what ever it takes to make sure she has a life with her mother and father watching over her full time together letting her feel and grow and enjoy the love she was intitled to and brought into this world for.
Re: What Do Others Make Of This??? DadInAB: GOD I HATE HER MOTHER!
HOW COULD YOU LET SUCH A HURTFULL AND PAIN CAUSING SOUL WALK THIS EARTH AND HURT PEOPLE YOU LOVE ???? THAT IS WHY I DO NOT BELIEVE IN YOU GOD BECAUSE YOU LET PEOPLE YOU LOVE GET HURT AND THAT IS SOMETHING NO GOD THAT LOVED WOULD LET HAPPEN IF HE COULD PREVENT IT.
what is wrong with me?
i told my ex all of these true secrets when i just want her to come home with the kids and help fix this nightmere........
i do not like my life right now.
i have succludded myself in my house away from civilization except for ojar and my ex's email box i keep filling with hurt and torment i feel as i make plans to run away to a new safe place with my daughter the very hour she gets home with no intentions of ever talking to my ex again and leaving her the phone number to a lawyer that will have no idea where i am the hour
after my daughter is returned to me........
i am going crazy.....i feel myself slipping somehow knowing i have to stay in control.......i can not function but i can feel....... i can feel everything.......
im hurting, im dieing inside....i love so many things that i have lost and i feel powerless to get what i really want and want to run and hide to hurt back and know that she will always hurt the most........
is this it?
the death throws???
is this where it dies and i am finally free?????
one last hurtfull struggle and its all done????????
why do i love her so much???????
why do i know i will never love again and i will aways hate??????
why do i know this is the way that it has to be if we cant be together??????
why do i live the life that i live....
why must those i love hurt so much because i love her?
why.......
i will always ask that......
i will never know........
because we will never talk again......
my daughter will have no mother in her life....
i will stay single and dedicate my daughter until she finds a man that loves her the way daddy does and makes a life with him......
my daughter will be raised to believe that i know i did the right thing for her to be the best that she could be.... because i loved her and i have this obligation to her to protect her from harm and evil even if it does come in the form of her mother and the two of us lose the two other children involved.........
i am not crazy......
my decisions make sense to me - they will make myself and my daughter better people. i believe if i ever meet the god that made me and my daughter endure all of this hurt he will say my way was not wrong but that if i had learned to forgive her mother i might have been able to do a better job - but maybe not because he was not paying attention again at that time so what does he know.... it worked - and thats all that mattered...
you get to go to heaven because you stopped selfishly loving yourself and loved and cared about others even more then yourself........
im going........
its the only way any of this will ever get fixed one way or another........
i start my new life tommorow - i know exactly where i want to go and i have a good idea of how to get there - its a scarey long one but in the end i will be happy i just have to put my fear aside and do it and i will look back at all of this and laugh at how scared i was about all of this because i didnt believe in myself.......... but i got my point across........ everyone will see threw the ex and her lies and horrible life........... she will think she knows but will never really know until the day she dies that this was my decision.... that i will finish my doctorate and teach others as i teach my daughter to love and care about others but to always love yourself too and turn out a daughter who will die with the world remembering her even if i have to die trying........ and that her mothers way of life would influence her into something other then what shes intitled to and thats what i believe and feel now...........
twitch.....?????
help....... anyone.......anything.......
Re: What Do Others Make Of This??? ajw: Her life is shit at the moment.....and cause she knows your the guy who actually does love her,your an easy target for her to fall back on.......dont be the fall back guy,you might get 6 months,6 years or probably more like 6 weeks with each other till she does it again.Think of all the selfish and hurtful things she did to you for her own personal gain...and tell me do they sound like the actions of someone who loves you or has your best interests in heart....i'd go back to no contact.....dont even contact her baout the legal stuff,its not your problem
