Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped hurtnlost: I understand about being bugged by the fact that she would be giving herself to someone else as well. This is the biggest thing I fight with within myself right now. I look at him and think how in the world am I going to deal with the fact of him meeting someone else and loving that person like I begged him to love me. That hurts I think more than anything wondering what it will be like to see him happy with someone else, but in return I think it will sting just as bad when he sees i will move on and be happy eventually too.
adh
Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped Whirlpool: [quote author=hurtnlost link=topic=22075.msg205648#msg205648 date=1133044565">
whirlpool- I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. I am in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 7 when this August my husband dropped the bomb on me that he was wanting a divorce. I was and am still in shock and we are still living in the same house until the divorce finalizes and we can sell it b/c we both cannot afford it alone as well. I have really been struggling to move on as well b/c I cannot detach when he is in the same home even though he has and tells me it is no big deal I should just move on. We have 2 kids together, I did not read where you said if you had any? Anyways, all I know to tell you is there are going to be really bad days,ok days, and good days sometimes too. The thing I keep trying to tell myself is that why should I try to get my ex to come back to me and want him back when he has hurt me so bad. Part of me would want to take him back but I would not b/c if he loved me he would not have done this to me. I hope everything works out for you, stay in touch with OJAR - it is really helpful!!
adh
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Wow, talk about mirror images! I too have 2 kids. I have already experienced the rollercoaster ride from hell you speak of as well. I however am not interested in getting her back, even if she came back to me I would not see it as sincere. It is sometimes easy for me because I know how she treated me, but what BUGS the CRAP out of me is that she will soon be giving to some stranger what I have wanted for the past 5 years.
Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped Whirlpool: [quote author=blazin'heart link=topic=22075.msg205780#msg205780 date=1133066351">
Hi whirlpool.
Just read your story. That's tough man. I've been there. I know it's hurts more than anything you've ever felt. But it's a transition that you can and will make, although you most likely have no idea how at this point.
It sounds like you're having real trouble with the stbxw and the communication issue. If I were you, I would begin a strict policy of "no contact" with her. Don't discuss any personal issues with her. I mean absolutely none. She's made her decision to divorce you...there's nothing left to talk about...at least not for a long long time.
I hope you sell the house and are able to clear out, remove yourself from her so you have time to deal with all that you're going through.
take care, keep posting, let us know what's going on.
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I know that is best to keep my mouth shut, so hard when the person you have confided in for the last 10 years is sitting next to you! I try though, just once in awhile it comes out. Kinda like tonight she mentioned that she will be going out New Year's Eve. I asked if she had a date or something, stupid move I know. She said no but then that led into other things. I told her hey, there are going to be many firsts for me that I am going to have to conquer. I am doing much better than I was a few weeks ago and will continue to improve, but times like this will set me back. That is when she said she just does not get why I can't get over it. That if I want to get over it I just do it, lol. She has always been kind of cold like that, I think she could do it which is why she expects me to be able to.
Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped Whirlpool: [quote author=lilly10 link=topic=22075.msg205565#msg205565 date=1133029444">
Hi Whirlpool,
I lived in the same house with my ex for the first month or so after the bomb was dropped it was AWFUL! I was grieving and overwhelmed with all the hurt and I just cried all the time. He was off with his other woman having a grand ol time for himself. I could not even start the healing process with him still at the house because he would just give me mixed signals or be a heatless b@stard. Some how you guys need to figure out a way to get out from under the same roof. Can one of you stay with a friend or family member temporarily? My ex stays with some co-workers well now I think he lives with the other woman (above her mothers garage) but I really dont know. We both still split the mortgage and the all the bills till the house sells.
Oh and as far as sucking it up and getting over it well if we were heartless jerks we to could just jump online or seek another relationship to cover up the pain. That is not the way to get over anything. Getting over this will take time and to bad for them if we dont just turn on the "get over it" switch.
As far as drinking well I am not much of a drinker but I did pick up smoking after quiting for 9 months after this all happend. I also have become a major shopoholic. I feel bad so what do I do go straight to the mall and spend away.
Good Luck and I want you to know that it does get easier. Stick around here and you will get tons of support.
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Wow, tons already, thank you all for your thoughts. It is nice to see how misery can bring the best out of people! :)
I understand totally what you mean, getting along great one minute, heartless bastard the next. Always. I don't look at it as mixed signals though, because I know it is over. I think it is that she wants things to remain amicable, but hates that she is still stuck with me, lol.
Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped Whirlpool: [quote author=hurtnlost link=topic=22075.msg205743#msg205743 date=1133060386">
I understand about being bugged by the fact that she would be giving herself to someone else as well. This is the biggest thing I fight with within myself right now. I look at him and think how in the world am I going to deal with the fact of him meeting someone else and loving that person like I begged him to love me. That hurts I think more than anything wondering what it will be like to see him happy with someone else, but in return I think it will sting just as bad when he sees i will move on and be happy eventually too.
adh
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Yea, I but I also think these feelings have more to do with our self-esteem than they do with us losing them. Just the same, they are there. I for one cannot say my wife would care if she saw me with someone else, might even be happy. She has all but ordered me to go on singles sites and find myself someone. I can honestly say if I died tomorrow I don't think she would shed a tear. No really. Tonight once again she tells me she does not understand what the problem is and why I don't just get over it. Don't get me wrong here, I am not crying and begging or anything. I am not doing anything really, all my hurt is inside and if I have a cry it is in the bathroom and usually stress relief. I just let her know that I am still dealing with issues with this whole thing so I am not all cool with everything going on. I don't know how she expects me to just get over it, I loved her! I would expect her to be impressed I am handling it as well as I have! I think she just wants a clear concious personally, the more she knows she is hurting me the more she feels like the bad guy. She doesn't care that I am hurting, just her selfish nature to care how she is perceived.
Why am I sad over all this again? This woman is just not a good person!! I really should not care but I do. Makes it all the worse. Honestly though I think my problem is my self-esteem taking a hit more than anything.
