Re: What is a "second chance?" Lumpy: [quote author=Tarheel link=topic=22088.msg205695#msg205695 date=1133053716">
Well, if that's the case, say a person asks for a second chance after you've done moved on and have your own life going on. Does the "everyone deserves a second chance" rule apply then, too?
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In my case I'd have to say no. It's totally up to the person who's being asked. I've moved on. I rebuilt my life and my self-esteem. I'm with a lovely woman who I love dearly. There's no way I'd re-open that wound.
Re: What is a "second chance?" barelybreathing: I have realized this, there are no second chances when adultery is involved. Adultery is the death of the marriage and the irretrievable loss of love. You partner does not love you when the cheat on you. They don't respect you nor do they honor you as their "mate".
So second chances are out of the questions. Yeah, I know that there is the rare percentile that work it out and go on in the marriage. But the purity of the marriage is never the same. It is and always will be jaded and scarred with the knowledge that one spouse has had sex with someone else.
Second chances are for the marriages that adultery is NOT a factor.
BB
Re: What is a "second chance?" freovir: to answer your question tarheel, i think a second chance doesn't officially start until the offending person decided to TRY. . . REALLY TRY.
so, in your case those 93 days were not a second chance. possibly the time in may was if she was really repentent. only she knows that, i guess.
--fre
Re: What is a "second chance?" Tarheel: Oh, this isn't a matter of me giving her another second chance. That's done and gone. I gave her PLENTY of second chances in my opinion. I'm just tossing this out here for discussion.
[quote author=Lumpy link=topic=22088.msg205689#msg205689 date=1133053128">
I guess the key to the second chance is that they have to ask for it.
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Well, if that's the case, say a person asks for a second chance after you've done moved on and have your own life going on. Does the "everyone deserves a second chance" rule apply then, too?
Re: What is a "second chance?" TaoChick: It seems like you've given her more than a second chance. I personally wouldn't feel obligated to give any more chances than what you've already given. I gave my ex another chance for many reasons, but one of which was guilt combined with the notion that marriage was too big of a commitment to give up on "so easily." In retrospect, though, I think I gave him too many chances and wrongfully felt morally obligated to give him those additional chances. And the only reason I think I felt that way was b/c we were married. Had we not had that legal recognition with the public ceremony, I don't think I would've felt obligated to give him more chances. My advice? Try to erase the word "marriage" and see if that makes a difference. If she were "only" a girlfriend, would you still wonder if you've given her an adequate second chance?
