The need to be touched....
The need to be touched.... Spectrum: Alex said something last week that has suddenly hit home for me today.
Perhaps the most tortuous part of the whole divorce process is not having someone to touch and hold me. Although my STBX worked out of town 6 months per year, and was gone 6 days per week during those months, I was still accustomed to having someone hold me, snuggle me, and love me on a regular basis.
Now I can snuggle my dog, but it isn't the same as having those big warm arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe.
I'm sitting here crying, for the first time in five days, thinking of all the times he came to bed late and snuggled up to me, when I pushed him away because I was too warm to snuggle, or too angry for some stupid reason....
So, he found someone else to hold. He held her every chance he had for six months, and for three more weeks after I left. Only when he thought we might reconcile did he finally break things off with her.... About 4 weeks too late.
So now I wish I could have him hold me again, and sleep in his arms.... I'd even settle for someone else's arms at this point, just to be really held.
I have had hugs from parents and friends, handshakes... It just isn't the same. I want to feel that warm, slow energy you only feel when someone holds you while you fall asleep. I miss it so much.
I miss him.... And I don't miss his baggage.
therapychic: i know what you mean spectrum... i miss that feeling too... nothing better than arms holdin ya close and safe... chin up, my friend...just think how good that will feel next time you have the oppurtunity... with the right person for you.
AlexInVirginia: A warm body in bed next to you. God, it's such a primal comfort. When our intellect fails, and our emotions are drained, and our tearducts are dry, there's no other way to say things. Touch ... that great communicator.
When I used to fall in love, I'd want to be as close to my woman as physically possible. An urge to be inside her, sexually and otherwise.
Hudreds of times I would lie next to my wife with her back to my chest, my arms holding her, the fronts of my thighs matching the backs of her thighs. We were like two warm oceans meeting in the middle of the world.
What good are words for describing this? What help can I bring to those untouched people of this planet?
Be gentle and warm to yourself. Touch yourself softly. Find deep blankets. Take warm baths. Try to drift toward another warm ocean.
picadilly: ******HUGE @SS HUGS***** to all of you.
So did that help? I hope in some metal way it did. :P
I know, I remember that first couple weeks when there wasn't another warm body in my bed, i hated it, I couldn't sleep. I even slept only on my side of the bed till last month even. It doesn't get much easier but you get used to it. I do still long for the comfort of being held by someone, but it can't be my stbx any more, I know that. I also know it's too soon for me to be dating too. Catch 22.
I guess I'll hug my computer for awhile. ;D
I'm sorry you didn't have a very good Friday night. Please read my post in "weekends suck" and then you'll understand that SOME touching ISN'T so hot. I'm going to bed NOW for a long, long time. Alone. Thank God.