The letter you were expecting.... kipeachi: Steven,
I wake up each day and miss you a little less. Its been a little over 2 months now. Amazing that so much can change in such a short period. I think back, and our history plays out like a movie. How sad it ends. You know I always have been able to express myself better in letters than words. At least I knew I would be able to get everything said before you turned away. I think you expected me to write you one this time, you even wrote me one. I never replied. Actually I dont' think you deserve one, I think, why waste my time on you any more? I guess in the begining I realized that our relationship wasn't gonna be easy, but I had no idea what kind of crap you would put me through. I've held on, gave up alot, lost friends and family, tried my best, put you first and for what? For you to move on and act like its all my fault, treat me like I hurt you? I don't understand why you act the way you do. I have tons of questions, and with no doubt will stay unaswered.
You know I have thought alot about everything, and I admit I was hard to live with at times, but I won't let you treat me like this I don't think I deserve it, to be honest . Because you know, when we separted this time, I actually moved out, told you this time was either going to make us or break us. I really thought we would evenually work things out. But what you said, while crying w/ our son in your arms , compared to your actions these days, well my hope of us is dying, my strings to you are being cut, torn, ripped out, everytime I see you with her and her daughter. I think how can you have replaced me, us so soon? And what happened to "I love you, I will do anything to get my family back"? Guess what you told your mom really explains it all. " I had someone to come home to for the last six yrs, I dont' like being alone.." So I was just there to keep you company.. to raise our son, clean house, and be there so you wouldn't be lonely. well now I understand how you can move her in so fast. But 3 weeks ago when I was pouring my heart out to you, and you were so cold to me, emotionless, and I finally said its over for good this time, you seemed shocked! And I hope you didn't think you were going to move her in , make me belive you were just friends, while we are supose to work things out!! ha how stupid are you?
I have alot I wish I could make you see, feel, to make you understand. You were the only man I've ever been with... the only one I wanted to be with.The one I chose ... Now here I am, alone with a 3 yr old, seeing you chose her over your family. Everyday is different w/ emotions. I'm on a ride I can't stop. Some say things are meant for a reason. I can only hope this is for the better. I'm totally scared, lonely, sad, depressed, angry, happy, free, all roled in one! And I"m really frustrated that you can't even say I'm sorry? anything? I really wish we could talk one on one, but maybe its better this way. I pretend that when I see you that I'm doing good, smile, and be happy, hell I even talk to her and get along! But do you know how hard that is? To see her w/ you, touch you? call you baby? I want to scream! It makes me sick! I made the choice to separated, but you made the choice to move on. It was like a slap in the face! I love you , really I do, but I know I'm strong enough to move on, and one day I'll find someone to love me and our son. I wonder if you will ever go the same emotions as I am now , with me being w/ another? I would hope you do just so you feel the pain, but then again who am I kidding.......
So here I am on this journey,this path i am on now thanks to you, alone, I may struggle, fall down, and even back track , but I have friends (ojar)and family who will be there every step of the way to help me, so i'm gonna hold my head high, look life in the eyes, and say "bring on the rain".
