Is he sincere or playing games? Single1: Hello - I've never been divorced but my ex boyfriend is. We knew each other as acquaintances for a few years then started to date while he was going through his divorce and shortly thereafter. We dated for almost a year but by the end I realized that we were not moving forward as a couple. We had once talked of marriage & babies (he has one child from his previous marriage who he has joint custody of) and we had even swapped keys. We broke up in May 2005 because I wanted a future and he was not sure if he was ready for one. He did not come to my house until August 2005 to pick up his things (even though I asked him several times to come & get them) and it was I who finally attempted to end the communication in October 2005. Believe me when I say this - I love this man with my heart & soul, but until he's ready to work on a relationship with me, it is too painful to be "friends." He is a pretty open person & every time we'd talk or get together (which was only 3 times since the breakup), he would tell me how much he missed me, loved me, etc. I could never understand how he could bear to be apart from me & not give our relationship a try (I even offered to slow things way down). Finally it was too painful to communicate with him because I could not move on. We have both been dating other people since mid-late summer and actually even saw one another on "Match.com." Last night I was out on a very good date. The first good one in a long while. Unfortunately I ran into my ex. He was with male friends & they were out drinking after a college basketball game. I was very polite to my ex & his friends. I was holding my date's hand (mostly bc we were trying to get through a crowd) and I did not drop his hand in front of my ex. I NEED to move on...even though I want my ex back more than anything. (And I have told him this.) As soon as I got to my car, my ex sent me a text message & apologized for being awkard but he did not expect to see me with a guy. As I pulled into my driveway, he was doing a "drive by" past my house. I live on a dead end so he had to drive past me again & I made him pull his car over (he was drunk) and get in my house to sober up & explain himself. In no uncertain terms did he tell me that he still thinks about me & wants to be with me....but yet again I had to hear about how he does not want to get hurt again or hurt another person. While I can certainly understand this, I would hope by now (years later) that he can trust me. He says he does.... In any event, he admitted that he was jealous and that I'm still in his heart. I've offered to wait for him, even to help him through this tough time but he's always declined. So I told him last night that if I'm in his heart and his feelings for me are strong enough to DRIVE BY my house (and confess to his feelings when caught), that perhaps he should follow what is in his heart before it's too late and he wakes up one day w/ regrets. I can no longer wait for him but if he wanted to try to work things out, I would. He knows this. And yet after all of this, I saw him "active" online dating today. What is going on with him? Does he really care about me or is he playing mind games? Why would he be so jealous & drive by when HE is the one who does not want the relationship? How can I make myself any more clear that I want HIM? He just can't seem to let me go - he nearly refused to get his things, he lost his mind when he saw me on a date....but he refuses to try to get back together. What more can I say or do to make him feel "safe" in a relationship with me? Is he sincere or is he really just playing head games with me? Thanks.
Re: Is he sincere or playing games? frontier74: I would have to say that he sounds sincere, in his positive feelings for you, but also in his negative feelings about commitment. It sounds like he really loves you, and wants to be with you, but he doesn't want to get back on the marriage path, which is where he'd be if you were to get back together. He probably realizes that you want and deserve more than he's able to offer, which might be why he's trying to let you go.
Re: Is he sincere or playing games? Single1: That's just the thing....is he really trying to let me go? He didn't want his things, he flipped out when he saw me on a date, he wants to keep in touch with me (rather than no communication)....and did I mention that he sent a holiday card to me AND MY PARENTS this year? If he really wants to let me go, shouldn't he just leave me alone? HE is the one who doesn't want the relationship, so why did HE do the driving by? Aren't those usually done by the jilted person? He confuses me....
Re: Is he sincere or playing games? frontier74: Well, maybe he knows that he should let you go, but he's not quite able to go through with it. He might be hoping that his feelings about the situation will change, eventually, and then you can pick up where you left off.
Re: Is he sincere or playing games? Single1: I would love that...more than anything. And he's actually said as much. He knows I can't wait for him but he has no idea when he thinks he'll be ready & it's not fair to ask me to wait. So, what do I do in the interim? How do I move on when the love of my life is out there still loving me....but isn't "ready" ? How long does it take for most guys out of a divorce to be "ready?" Is there an average? And, isn't he being just a tad bit selfish here? Dangling his "feelings' for me in front of me but not delivering the relationship?
