want help

want help eeyore0512: I have sunk so far into a depression, I don't feel as if I can get out of it.  I have found a job since my hubby made me leave.  But the only problem is that it's part-time and won't go full-time until spring. I'm still looking for another full-time job, but since the holidays are close, no one is hiring.  I have no health insurance, so going to a doctor or even a counsler is out of the question.  There is no way I could afford it.  It's killing me just to be a robot.  Everyday just blends into the next.  I don't eat or sleep well anymore.  I spent everyday of my relationship with my hubby taking care of him, and surprising him with new recipes and baked goods.  So now that he's gone, what am I supposed to do?  There's no one to take care of except me, and it just doesn't seem worth it.  I'm no one special.  How is a person who is as broke as me supposed to get help? 
Re: want help bry911928: eeyore0512,

First off you are someone special, and if you don't take care of you first no one will!  While yes right now this is a very tough time for you, you must keep your eyes on the future and what it has in store for you.  Everything Happens For A Reason.  It may not be today or tomorrow but one day you will understand why it happen and a smile will come over your face to know there is someone out there just waiting to run into you at the store, laundromat, church, or that Grand American Road Race!

Keep posting your thoughts here on Ojar, those of us who are farther along the path can help you along yours.

Bry911928
Re: want help eeyore0512: Thank you Bry911928.  In my head I know everyone is right.  I think my biggest mistake with my hubby was to spend every moment focusing on him.  I don't know how to focus on myself.  I've always loved doing things for others.  I know I need to take care of myself, but it's so hard at meal times.  I don't know what to make for myself.  It seems pointless to make a decent meal for myself, so I just end up choking down  a cup of cereal.

I try to just take it one day at a time, but that just kills me.  Right now I don't feel there is much of a future for me.  It's no fun being all alone.
Re: want help MJ28: Eeyore,

Wow, I almost feel as if you're describing my own life.  I wish you weren't going through this, especially during the holidays.  I know it won't make you feel any better but I absolutely know how you feel.  My own husband always likes to throw it in my face that I never contributed anything to our household (and yes I did work full time and take care of the kids and cook, clean etc...)  I take comfort in believeing that what comes around goes around.  If ever you need to talk, I'll be here to listen.  We do deserve happiness, try not to forget that.
Re: want help Whirlpool: [quote author=eeyore0512 link=topic=22587.msg210011#msg210011 date=1134225592">
Thank you Bry911928.  In my head I know everyone is right.  I think my biggest mistake with my hubby was to spend every moment focusing on him.  I don't know how to focus on myself.  I've always loved doing things for others.  I know I need to take care of myself, but it's so hard at meal times.  I don't know what to make for myself.  It seems pointless to make a decent meal for myself, so I just end up choking down  a cup of cereal.

I try to just take it one day at a time, but that just kills me.  Right now I don't feel there is much of a future for me.  It's no fun being all alone.
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You are going through the normal process, no worries as long as you snap out of it eventually! It is time for you to start thinking about anything marriage was holding you back from doing. Was there a way you wanted to decorate or anything you wanted to do with the house your spouse was against? Now you can do it! Were there places you wanted to go? You can now. Were there people you wanted to talk to before that you could not? Now you can. Anything you could not do before because of your spouse or marriage is fair game now. You can even go try things you never thought of doing. Being alone is what you make of it. Don't fear it, you are your best friend! No one has the ability to care as much about you as YOU do. YOU know yourself better than anyone else. So being alone is not all the horror it is made out to be. The problem is you need to find yourself before being alone will be comfortable for you. You have no clue who you are right now and fear that. Once you find yourself and love yourself again you will be ready to go out and love and be loved again. It will happen! Get the ball rolling by just thinking about it. No one expects you to jump up and get over this with the snap of a finger.