Feeling distant
My divorce was final a few weeks ago and we are now at the end of the property settlement. I want it over for my sanity and I have pretty much given up on fighting nd giving her more than what anyone thinks she deserves.
I have alot wieghing on my mind lately and I think people can see it. I feel so distant at work and more so I am starting to feel distant in my personal life as well.
I was talking with a friend last night and made the comment that I just want to run away. I have this burning desire to just run away from everyone I know and go somewhere where no one knows me or my past.
Dont get me wrong now I am having a ball with my new life and new friends. I am doing things I never thoght I would be doing and realy learning how t live for me again.
But some days I justfeel like I dont fit in anywhere and only people here on Ojar know what the hell I am feeling or going thru.
I dont know maybe it is because it is raining just having a down day and feel like a turd in a punchbowl right now. I wish I fit in somewhere.
God why is I when you get left the ones that leave can go on with no remorse and have there happiness yet we are the ones that have all the scars? It just seems so unfair, I would have done anything to make my marriage work once I knew there were problems my ex knew I would and chose to hurt me in order t have her fun and new flame.
I think I will call this the Charlie Brown syndrom hehe :P
Re: Feeling distant pisces_goddess: G-
I can relate to what you are feeling.. Ive been going through that myself. This sh** changes you in everyway imaginable.. and you become a different person almost.. so people & things in your life start to look almost unfamiliar and in my case I distanced myself just to get to know me & then I could figure the rest out. Plus you had the PRIME QUEEN of bad ex's.. that will take its toll on even the strongest man.
I get the running away feeling OFTEN ::)
But you are on the right track.. plus YOUR GONNA BE RICH & famous with your new..invention right? ;D Just don't forget all of the "little people" that knew you when! ;D ;)
Re: Feeling distant atd74: galil,
I am sorry you are feeling so distanced from everything and everyone around around you however, I think you will find that a lot of us feel the way you do at different times during this process.
I am very content and moving forward with my life but sometimes I feel the way you do - like no one around me understands what happened or like I just don't want anyone to know what happened at all. Like I just want it all to go away and to have complete annonymity.
I do have to tell you though that what you said about being the one who was left and having all the scars is so very untrue. It is not always that way. In my situation I am the leaver but not because I didn't want to work things out or love my ex but because I had to save myself from a detrimental situation. And even though he mentally and emotionally abused me, put me in all kinds of bad positions and basically forced me to make the decision I thought I would never want or have to make, I too have scars. I too am left still at times feeling sorry for his sorry ass because he's so screwed up. For the most part I know he is the one who has to work his own issues out but I am the "LEAVER" as you put it and it's no better from where I'm standing either...
So hang in there. You are not alone on this one.
Re: Feeling distant JimB: I have a feeling we'll fit right in - in the DR with Newman. When we going? ;D
Seriously, I've never been the most outgoing guy, so I haven't really noticed the distance so much. But the whole process is devastating to the confidence, and takes great emotional strength and stamina.
As for her lack of remorse, piss on it. There are clearly people in the world who don't know what's important, and can't recognize a good thing when they have it. Those people will never, ever be happy.
Re: Feeling distant Jernigan: Why not put on Radiohead's "How to Disappear Completely" while you're at it?
I too relate to this desire to drop off the face of the earth---no, not through death, but emotionally and geographically. I feel as though I belong to some odd cabal, branded with the scarlet letter of divorce and unable to relate to the happy-go-lucky status quo. Sound judgemental and bitter? I guess it is. But in this contempt is also the desire to BELONG to the status quo. These days, I'm so raw that when I hear a love song in a grocery store or restaurant, I have to leave or tune out. And babies---forget about it. Whenever I see some young mother pushing her baby along in a stroller, and think about the plans I'd made to be a father one day, I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes and throat. I feel so separated from the norm, and it sounds as though many of us do at one point or another in our healing process. I guess the thing to remember is, your pain is unique---it's yours, after all---but what caused it isn't so uncommon.
