Today is my lowest point yet babes014u: Today I had my personal counseling as well as my couples counseling. I have emotionally hit my rock bottom. Yes, I am the leaver. Yes, I cheated. Yes, I've already been left by my OM. I do not want to hear from any of you that feel the need to rip on me tonight. I don't think I can take anymore of it today. i just need to get my sadness out.
My OM has decided to go back and try to work things out with his wife. If he can, that is where he should be. As much as it hurts me, I support his decision. I am trying very hard to stay out of it and not interfere. However, he still finds me online every few days or so... at least once a week. He keeps telling me that he thinks they might be able to work it, but he doesn't let go of me completely either. Well, in my personal counseling today, she helped me see that I really don't want him this way. In the ideal world, he will see his relationship thru with her to the end, and if it doesnt work, then he will get his life together... then I'd want him back. So, we talked about a No Contact rule. I know, I have been hearing it from all of you for weeks now. But today is when I realized that I really have to do it. I have to completely let go of him, and choose not to respond to him when he finds me. He is the person that I want, but not like this. Not like this in any way, shape, or form. And his wife deserves a fair chance to work out their issues. Still, the thought of if had me in tears all afternoon.
Later on in the day, I went to my couples counseling with my stbx. We are in counseling together to work out our issues enough so we can co-parent effectively together. He and I are having boundary issues.. eg: he broke into my email this week, along with my house... and took a whole bunch of stuff from the house. Granted, it was stuff I would have given him anyway, but he felt he could just walk into my house whenever he wanted to. Well, he and I have continued a physical relationship 2-3 times a week ever since we separated (Oct 9). Neither of us saw it as an issue. But it came up in our session today. Our therapist went on and on about how we will never be able to separate from each other if we keep sleeping together. He talked about purposely creating new boundaries. My stbx decided that in order for us to do that, we can't have Christmas together with our kids now. My boys are counting on us all being together, I am counting on us all being together. He says that he wants our new boundaries to be basically curbside trade offs of the kids. No more taking the kids to breakfast together, or all of us getting together to play board games together. I am starting to see what I have created. I am losing my best friend, and I can't do anything about it. Yes, he and I had our problems... and the marriage was not repairable, but I really wanted to be able to keep the good parts and leave the rest behind. I can do that, but I see that he cannot. It isn't fair to expect it either. I have to let him go... and really be divorced. I have hit my bottom. I was sobbing so hard after I dropped him off at his house that I had to pull over. I couldn't see the road thru my tears.
No, I don't want to go back to the life I had. But letting go of it is SO hard. It's all I know. Yes, evil ones that cheat and leave still hurt. I hurt to the bottom of my toes. My eyes have swollen shut from crying so hard today. A day full of goodbyes....
Re: Today is my lowest point yet freovir: i am so proud of you.
Re: Today is my lowest point yet ChiefWiggum: I had a few "lowest point" nights in the past year. Last one was just a couple weeks ago.
You know what the BEST thing is about a "lowest point" night? If you truly are at the lowest tonight, you will be better tomorrow.
So while you're unhappy, just look forward to tomorrow.
Re: Today is my lowest point yet C-Note: [quote author=babes014u link=topic=23037.msg213703#msg213703 date=1135309950">
I do not want to hear from any of you that feel the need to rip on me tonight. I don't think I can take anymore of it today. i just need to get my sadness out.
[/quote">
let it out then. tears are all the same here.
Re: Today is my lowest point yet Trying2Hope: I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt. It's a huge loss that you're suffering, and you have every right to feel the way you do.
When I was at my lowest point, it was hell on earth, so I hear ya. Let it out. Cry and cry. Mourn and mourn. Soon, your tears will dry and the world won't look so bad. I promise. :'( :-[
Hugs.
