Confused? JASPER: For the life of me I can't figure this man out.He seems so reluctant to talk to me about whether were going to try to reconcile or should I start filing the paperwork.
Everytime I bring it up he say I'm blowing this whole thing out of porportion he says he felt like we were trying to work on things and I started tripping trying to defined the relationship.
I mean maybe I'm wrong all I did was tell him what I wanted and he got all cookey on me.If your working on reconciling shouldn't it be some rules or something involved shouldn't you sit down and tell each other what you expect and what is expected I mean until this is established does spending time together really qualify as reconciling? I mean especially for us because during the whole 9 months of this so called seperation we have never went more then a week without seeing each other.
He wont say he wants a divorce and he's not really saying that he wants to try 100% so what should I make of this?
He claims when he says there are a lot of things going on right now he means he's trying to get his rent money together and bills paid and things such as that,he says my problem is I always think it's about some other women and have some serious trust issues which may be so ,but it's not like he hasn't given me reasons to feel like this time and time again.
Fresca: [quote"> He wont say he wants a divorce and he's not really saying that he wants to try 100% so what should I make of this?[/quote">
My ex did the same thing - I think, when it comes down to it, that they want to be able to think to themselves "hey, it wasn't me who filed for divorce". It's a very common tactic among the 'leavers'.
[quote"> he says my problem is I always think it's about some other women and have some serious trust issues which may be so ,but it's not like he hasn't given me reasons to feel like this time and time again.[/quote">
Another common tactic - the "hey, it's not my fault I walked out on the marriage, it's all your fault."
My advice - file the paperwork ASAP. His reaction to that will tell you alot. If things work out between the two of you, you can always withdraw the petition. If the divorce becomes final, it doesn't mean you can't ever work things out in the future, sometime, after all.
Don't let him jerk you around, and don't wait for him to make some sort of decision, because I think you will be waiting a long, long time.
Hang in there sweetie - you aren't the first (or the last) to go through this stage, and you'll be amazed how good you feel when you make a decision for you!
JASPER: Thanks Fresca I'm trying really hard to be strong.I know I have it in me because I've done it before I guess I just feel stupid letting myself get sucked back in.
marc_ro: [quote"> My advice - file the paperwork ASAP.[/quote">
No doubt. My court date is April 27th, and it feels like christmas to me.
Life can not happen unless you move.
ChristyM: Ah, another one that read "How to Leave Your Spouse" - I sure wish I could figure out where they sell that book.........
This is a tough one. My s2b(againsthiswill)x tried to pull the same thing on me, and I actually went along with it for awhile. I'm sorry to say (or then again, maybe not) that it didn't work out. He just dragged it out while he tried to decide if the relationship he was pursuing (read: with another woman) worked out. Finally I said, enough is enough. If it's that hard of a decision for you then I don't really want to be with you. I read a book "When the One You Love Wants to Leave" and it says pretty much that you should let them go and minimize (if not stop cold turkey) the communication you have. Show them what divorce will really be like. Alas, I was not strong enough to do this until the end. THEN, he decided he wanted to be together. C'est la vie -poetic justice and all that jazz I guess. My point to this (and there really is one) is we allow them to call the shots and have the relationship on their terms--therefore they wield all the power and they like that. I don't believe my s2b(againsthiswill)x would have ever made the decision on his own. It was only when I moved forward that he got scared.
I agree with Fresca - I feel a lot better and was able to move on after I told him I was proceeding with the divorce. Be prepared though - once he knows you are determined, his actions may surprise you.
Not to continue to beat this dead horse, but hang in there - things will get better.