never cry... Dio: This doesn't have to have an answer. I am venting. Comments are welcome though, of course.
She's been gone for a week now. I cried the night she left. Why the hell can't I cry now?
Why do I feel the loss of her in small blips? Here then gone again. Why do I feel like she is in the next room and actually feel shocked when she is not there?
WTF is going on? I wake up constantly at night and reach over to find an empty, cold spot on the bed next to me.... and it shocks me.
I only feel the loss at random times. I feel upset sometimes and look over to seek comfort from her and she's not there. She's the cause of the pain, yet I miss her being there as a comfort... even for the pain she is causing. How ironic.
I even catch myself right before yelling, "Hey, baby!" to the empty room next door.
When the loss hits, it hits hard. But cry, I do not. It goes before I feel it completely. The same goes for the other way. A genuine smile falls from my face before it is half formed. The interest that perks up when I see a cute young girl dies before I have more than glanced at her.
Have I deluded myself? Have I subconciously reassured myself that she is right there with me? I want to scream at the top of my lungs, sometimes, but I still don't cry.
Re: never cry... cc: Been there...don't know the answer to it myself, but I've been there...it's kind of like the whole mess just seems like one big fight that will blow over. After awhile, you realize that's not the case. I still have times where I'll chuckle over old memories, or even think of little things to mention to him, "You'll never guess what I saw at the store today! This womens hat literally looked like a live bird!", "I just saw this movie, it's great, you have to see it!", or I'll see stuff that I know he'd adore, and I'd feel a split second of excitment and then-oh yeah, we're not together anymore, duh.
My suggestion would be that after some time has passed to cool the wounds and heat of the fight, you offer a friendship. It may be stomaching-turning nervous to do, but, from what I've seen, most women would like to remain friends. You just need to wait for the pain and anger to dull, that could take awhile, but just being apart of their life again, even if it's not romantically...it kind of makes you feel better. The friendship may not last, but believe me, you will leave it with more of a sense of "it's done", and be ready to date others.
Re: never cry... Dio: Yeah. What you just said..... that's me right now. The Christmas gifts I bought for her online arrived yesterday. I just stare at them. :-\
Re: never cry... cc: Mmm...that's always hard...you have two choices when it comes to that. Send it to wherever she's saying through mail with a simple note- "Merry Christmas, hope it's a good one.", or you can tuck them away in the closet, perhaps to give to her at a later time, sell, or collect dust. It all depends on what you yourself are ready and willing for.
I myself just yesterday sent an e-mail to my Ex. A picture of Santa, written on it "If a fairly large man happens to break into your house one night and stuffs you in a bag, don't freak out...I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas. Merry X-mas. I love you.". The actual e-mail just said "Attachment.Look at it.Need no reply.Bye."
Let the gift do the talking for you, and if they're ready, willing, and wanting, they'll respond. However, since it's only been a week, I would suggest just giving her space. A part of her may be secretly wishing you'll do something for Christmas, and if it doesn't happen, she'll realize if she wants you, she'll have to do a bit of chasing herself.
These are only my suggestions, though.
Re: never cry... Dio: lol
You seem just as torn on the issue as I do. I haven't decided what I will do yet.
