sheer terror to see x...why? bbygrl: I am having a hard day today...it amazes me how divorce can take healthy, confident, successful people and turn them in to unhappy, anxiety ridden, wounded beings.
My stbxh returned from a week in mexico with the OW on wed morning. Amazingly the entire week he was gone I had no shoulder/back muscle pain, I slept like a baby, I felt calm and happy. The night before he returned the muscle pain is back. In the day and a half he has been back I have had to see him twice and he has phoned my home or mobile about 8x. We have a 5 yr old. Today he phoned me to find out where I bought a toy for my son so he could buy one for his girlfriends nephew for christmas.He has also phoned my home from her phone today. Isn't it enough that he lied to me for 3 mths about her ( we were married 10 yrs) and I have only been dealing with this for three mths now. Isn't it enough that I am spending christmas day with only my son ( for that I am grateful I know some don't get too here )and that I have no family now.Isn't it enough that he has told my inlaws to not speak to me about anything, because he is worried they will say things he has lied about.Isn't it enough that I am left alone trying to console my son because he misses daddy.
Why do I have such a response to him.I would not reconcile for anything but I have almost a post tramatic response when I see or talk to him. My adrenaline goes and my stress level skyrockets. I guess I was so blindsided by everything and still lies are coming out of the woodwork, that I feel like I am constantly in danger by him. Its like getting bitten by a big dog and forever freaking out when you see a dog. I want to move away so bad, but my son would be devestated to not see dad. I am concidering depression and anxiety drugs for the first time...thats big for me I try to do everything naturally. Can I ever heal from this??? I am not so much heartbroken anymore ( ok maybe I am, but could still never trust him or reconcile) but its the physical reaction of sheer terror I have when he calls or comes to get our son. Has anybody else experienced this? What do I do?
Re: sheer terror to see x...why? ajw: hey...that makes it official then,your husband is a pain in the ass.....lol
Re: sheer terror to see x...why? krayzeeme: First and foremost, I am not defending his actions!!
It sounds to me like he is trying to keep some sort of level of communication open. Like he realizes he did wrong, but is trying to be adult about the future. (You know some guys leave & never return/call or anything even with kids in the mix). Even though it may be too late in your eyes, it sounds like he may now be trying to do the right thing from this point on. I agree, it isn't necessary for him to worry you about buying toys for the OW nephew, etc. So maybe be calm and explain that things are hard enough, he doesn't need to call for the hell of it.
I don't know your whole story, but it sounds to me like you didn't get to release your anger about it. Thus the aches & pain & anxiety when you have to see or talk to him. I bet you would feel a whole lot better if you could just "go off" one good time about everything to him. Maybe in a controlled setting like at a therapist. (If he would agree to go) You were probably the mature adult in the whole thing, and now it's all pinned up inside and it's taking it's toll.
Good Luck, only good things can come from here!!
Re: sheer terror to see x...why? bbygrl: Sometimes just hearing agreement from somebody that he is an ass means so much, thx!!
Had to deal with 5 more calls today and a front door meeting, then I returned his message to call him on his cell and talked to OW because his cell was forwarded to her.....nice! It felt like I was kicked in the gut. Either he is absolutely heartless, or trying to really hurt me or knock me over the edge, I don't get it, he knows I am hurting already. He had the affair, he left me, he has somebody else, he is happy....I don't contact him unless absolutely necessary, why hurt me more?
Re: sheer terror to see x...why? manda: [quote author=bbygrl link=topic=23042.msg213763#msg213763 date=1135324015">
...it amazes me how divorce can take healthy, confident, successful people and turn them in to unhappy, anxiety ridden, wounded beings.[/quote">
YES! This is amazing to me too. I rarely leave my bedroom unless it is to work--THANK GOODNESS FOR WORK.
