I wonder...
I've always, every year, loved Christmas, and loved getting into it. The whole thing always made me so happy, every time I'd pass the tree I'd glow. This year though...I've tried, but I just couldn't get into the spirit this year. It feels like any other day...isn't it enough to have the two most important people in my life abandon me? Do I have to loose Christmas too? :-[
I'm laughing with my friends and family, but behind the mask and inside me, I'm begging to sob. I hold it in, but...I want so desperately to cry. This can't be the end, can it? Will I seriously never see my ex or my best friend again? Just the thought of it... :'(
siiiigh.......
Merry Christmas...
Re: I wonder... alonewith2: ditto...exactly how you are feeling!! Though I did end the night with a date with a gay man.....so now I'm even more depressed!!
I hope things get better for you!
Re: I wonder... ChiefWiggum: Did he become gay before or after your date? ;D
Re: I wonder... jadedangel: [color=navy"> I have a pretty similiar feeling --- I know my entirety of the holiday would be so different had my ex decided he could actually stick to his word ... and I hate that.
I refused to Christmas shop this year -- didn't let my sister get a tree ... wouldn't make holiday candy/crap ... anything ---- then we went home for Christmas and I really actually realized what I had pushed out of my life ... and the sad thing is right now --- I wish I cared more. All I can hope is to care again one day ..
Don't think your losing Christmas .. maybe this is the bum year -- if you want it back -- you get it back. Fine , give it one year to get the funk out -- I think that is absolutely justified ... then you decide what you want for you ... and do it for you.
Ok ... let's see how well I can walk the walk .. after talking the talk next year ... I know it's rough -- hang in there ... and remember that it comes every year .. [/color">
Re: I wonder... alonewith2: [quote author=ChiefWiggum link=topic=23078.msg214145#msg214145 date=1135489396">
Did he become gay before or after your date? ;D
[/quote">
LOL...I had gone to a party with my sister and I asked the host if Santa had dropped off my present. The host asked what that was, and I said that I had asked Santa to bring me a single man for Christmas. So the host said that Santa did drop off my gift and that there was a single man waiting inside for me. I get inside and the only single man is S who is gay. So I went up to S and said that I guess I should have been more specific with Santa and asked for a single STRAIGHT man, but since I hadn't been specific he had to be my date for the night. It was all in good fun, and we had a great time.....It just reminded me once again that there are no single straight men in my little small town worth beans!!
For me, I wasn't sad missing my STBX. I was missing the IDEA of a family Christmas. When my kids left at 6pm last night to go to their dads, it just hit me that I was ALONE on Christmas eve. I would wake up ALONE on Christmas morning. I didn't have my kids, and I didn't even have a SO to spend it with.....I started crying. I haven't cried in soo long, but I quickly cheered up when I realized that I wasn't thinking about my STBX. Yes, I was sad. Yes, I was lonely. But not over him....just over the fact that everything is going so great in my life right now, I now have time to add that SO, but I just don't have one.......and if I had my kids with me, I wouldn't have been thinking about it at all, but it was still a good realization for me.
