Strange

Strange BONILLAK: Here its Christmas Eve and I sit here alone as the kids are all sleeping.  They went to their Uncle's house today for 2hrs to see their Dad and get a couple gifts.  Today was to be his Saturday visitation but he said he could only see them for 2 hrs not his 8hrs and that he couldn't see them tomorrow on Xmas!  This bothers me for their sake, oh well.  I was the bigger person and brought the kids there because he had no car, I even shook his hand and said,"Merry Xmas to you and your new family, I hope the new year brings you all that you deserve".LOL  But tonight even though I don't miss him at all it feels kinda empty here as usually together we waited for the kids to go to bed and then we put all their things under the tree, we would then have some hot chocolate together and go to bed knowing the kids would be up very early for their gifts from Santa.  Now I'm doing it alone and it just feels weird, like something is missing.  He would be the one to help the kids get their new toys out of the boxes and clean up all the wrapping paper after the kids tore through their gifts while I cooked breakfast, he would assemble all the toys that needed so, etc. While I cooked the Christmas breakfast, now its all on me.  Its just feels strange.  I know and I am glad that he and I are done but I do hope he feels some emptiness tomorrow morning but I doubt he will as he acts so tough.  I mean for 17yrs we had our Xmas traditions and how we did things so I hope at least he remembers the good Xmas's with the kids and how happy our Xmas mornings use to be and just for a second I hope it hurts his heart a bit.  Tomorrow the kids and I will be alone all day and do nothing because my mother gets depressed and nasty this time of year as does my grandmother so since I have no other family and now no one wants to cook, the kids and I will sit here.  I hope the kids aren't too sad without Dad but I do think they will be ok because Santa somehow managed to get everything they wanted!
Anyone else feel fine with their speration/divorce but still feel something is missing this holiday?  My mother was mad at me tonight for not offering to make Xmas dinner and all but I just want the day with my kids and just kinda try to relax.  She always made Xmas dinner and since just starting to work this past week, feeling a little lonely this first Xmas alone, etc. I surely just didn't feel up to it this year.  One would think she would keep the tradition we always had of going to her house even just for the kids sake because so much has already recently changed for them!  I hope everyone on here has the best Xmas they can given our circumstances.
Re: Strange ChiefWiggum: Just want to let you know you're not the only one feeling lonely right now.  Hope you have a great time with the kids and the presents tomorrow morning!

CW
 Re: Strange 4sarah:   I agree it does feel different this year!  Our traditions now become just my traditions I think I'll start some new one's this year.  They opened a new outdoor ice rink just up the street and for my daughter I found little ice skates that have two blades so they don't fall as easy and were going to go there after presents just the two of us.  I hope you have a very Merry Christmas with your children tommorow and I wish I got to keep mine all day!!
 Re: Strange hurtnlost: I really feel for you too. This is about 2 weeks away from the finalization of our divorce and we still live together so this X-mas for me as been one of knowing it is the last one together. However, this morning I was sitting there and watching everything and reflecting b/c I have started to realize that him leaving is for the best and even though my kids and I will hurt things will get better. I feel lonely though and he is still around so I can imagine how you feel, especially after 17 years. The best thing to do is just be a family with your kids and make the best of it and know you are not alone. I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
 Re: Strange Zipsfb: It is weird being alone.