this prodigal love

this prodigal love flowersdirtandgardengirl: Limbo, or purgatory, or maybe a little bit of both, that's what this right now. Life is beautiful and cruel---all at the same time. How selfish of me in so many ways to sit here, still, pondering the losses of you. How single-minded of me to dig my fingernails into the softs of my palms, still, when I want only to fight back an image of you. Because my life is so blessed and so rich and so full. How wasteful of me to squander this heart so completely on you, to bankrupt myself from the inside out, spending it all on a love like you.

Life is beautiful and cruel and all at once. And I have so little suffering in my life, so I wonder then if this is why I have choosen to fixate on you. Because if I had to worry myself with the next meal or toxic water or war or quakes or floods or death would I still choose to lie down in the dirt, just for you?

Life is beautiful and cruel and all at once; and I have so little suffering in my life. Why then, why then, why then do I still travel in all the directions that only bring me back again to you?