feeling down tonite kipeachi: I took my son over to his dads house again tonite. I found out that he bought a car, so that all four of them when they are together can ride in one vechicle! Which I went off cause hes' 2 months behind on his truck pmt, I've paid the last 3 months ins, he's had his cable and telephone shut off,and he hasn't gave me crap for the bills we had together..........and he goes buys a car!!!! I personally thinks its for the ow.
I went out got our sons stuff and walked back into the house and they were all l kissy kissy on the couch, and didn't even realize I was back!! God I can take only so much, its seems alot of stuff has been getting to me lately. We had a long talk the other nite, and it was great knowing we both agreed for a divorce. But I feel so depressed now, lonely, sad. I have no idea why, becasue this is what i've wanted for the last year. Is this feeling coming out cause I see them togeher? I'm in shock still that he can be so open with her around me, which I think is to piss me off. And it really ticks me off how well he treats her! He never was that lovey dovey with me! All I got was lies, and the cold shoulder! Is it all for show? I know no contact is better, But i'm trying to get along and be civil, I dont' want to hate him, or fight with him I just want it to be over and get on with my life. And if he's happy with her, so be it, and I want to know why the hell do I care? lol I wish I could turn off my feelings sometimes! I never realized how much I loved him until I knew I wouldn't be spending the rest of my life w/ him! ha sad isnt' it? And to know that he never came close to matching it for me! If I had money and a driver, I'd go get drunk off my ass tonite! lol it really sucks knowing that I put all in our relationship, gave everything I had, loved him with all my heart and to know now that my worst fear about him cheating on me was true, that he cheated on me serval times , lived a double life, and can move on so quick with out looking back!!!!!! ugh I give up!I think i'm gonna go curl up on the couch and watch a movie, and try to put this nite behind! I hate nights like this, tomorrow will be better!
Re: feeling down tonite snkpack5: It will. You know what you're doing is right. It sucks to be exposed to all this and yes he may very well be doing this on purpose. Relationships are always great at the beginning. Their relationship will probably sour over time especially if he has a history of cheating. Feel crappy and then feel better. Its a vicious cycle, but necessary for healing. Much luck to you.
Re: feeling down tonite hurtnlost: lostlove - I know how you feel. My husband and I had issues with getting along and now when it is all over and our divorce is a week away I feel so sad because I know i have lost him and even though it may be for the better and everyone is saying it is it still does not hide the history you have with them and especially when you have children together. I go through this alot wondering how I will ever be ok with out him in some way and how it is so easy to see him move on which makes me want to hold on to him longer. I know all the bad things he has done but it does not change the fact that I loved him and always will. Today my stbxh told me that if i had not argued with him so much he would have tried to have fixed it and not got divorced but being so hurt from him saying he wanted out and leaving made it harder. It makes me think I messed up in someway. I know how you feel though.
