Money for Kid Zephix: Still going on... she filed Oct 3rd, and still crazy. We have cut off Joel's Daycare, and she is MAD. But I am not ordered to pay anything right now, and his daycare is 711 a month. I cannot afford it. I was paying it to try and save us, but I am now starting to believe it is done. So the other day we went to the movies and at the end I asked her if we will ever try again, and she said as of right now no. So I just got out of the car and left. She pulled up next to me and said, eh daycare money...? I didnt reply, just kept walking. Then she said, fine you shelfish asshole, you will never see joel again! I cryed all night, but I have to start acting like a person who is getting divorced and stop throwing money at this and trying to save it.
Now she is saying that I would be paying that much in Child Support and I should give her the money, cause he is my son too. I have been paying all of DC since Oct, but I cannot do it anymore. I need to save my money up and get my own car and apt. I dont know what to do. I want to save my marriage, and not go to war with this woman, but I dont know what to do! Any advice?
Re: Money for Kid threetimeloser: I am not a lawyer so this is just advice. If you are seperated, legally you are not monetarily responsible for anything. At the same time, she can keep you from seeing your kid. You can get the police involved but whom ever has possesion at the moment has the control. Only court orders can solve those issues. You can legally keep the money you pay for daycare, save it up and buy a car.
Morally, giving her some money would be the nice thing to do but if a child support order is enforced and you have given her money already for that month, you might still be obligated to pay up again. Most states do not care if you have check stubs, money order receipts or even a signed note from her saying that she got money from you. If it was not set up through the official agancy then you haven't paid.
Several divorce websites have child support calculators depending on the state you file. You may want to find out what it is going to be and get ready.
As far as visitation, that is a whole different ballgame. Most states will make a distinction between support and visitation where, even if you don't pay, you still have a right to see your child (until they take you to jail that is). But it is not always that way. Make sure that a pick up/drop off location is specified as well as times.
The money you pay in Divorce court is inconsequential. Think of it as the price you pay for getting out of a bad situation. She is right that the child is yours and since you will be paying child support anyway go ahead and give it to her. It will at least be little bit easier to deal with her if she has one less reason to go to war over. Hold back on the month of the court date though. And always write down on the check the purpose, "child suport" in case they do take that into account where you live.
One more thing, if she gets custody and decides to remove the kid from daycare, there is nothing you can do about it unless it is in the court order and that rarely happens. Support money is given to the guardian for them to do as they see fit. It is an amount that will be forever out of pocket until the kid turns of age. You are now going to have to budget and learn new ways to live with less money. You need your own lawyer, don't rely on hers.
It is unfair but it is the way it is. On the other side, you may get back together. Saving the marriage depends on how well the two of you can get along and communicate. It is going to take two to get it to work. A third person (councellor) is alway to have around as they are impartial. They are not there only to save marriages but to help make breakups easier. If she is willing, give it a try.
Re: Money for Kid smokin: proabably has been said, but im on dinner hour, so this is short.
hes YOUR kid.
hes YOUR responsibilty
its BOTH of YOUR responsibilty, to pay for daycare, not 1 persons.
if you paid it since oct, i would have it all recorded in check form, or your up shit creek.....
i would give her atleast 1/2 the money for daycare, and hail a cab if you have to. if you go to court, and they see you havent been supporting YOUR CHILDS NEEDS, your going to take it up the kisser.
rmemeber, money for food, and clothing, and daycare are for your son. not for her, and not to be used as a bargaining tool either...support your son. if not, when you get in front of the judge, your done for.....
good luck....
Re: Money for Kid snkpack5: I have to agree with Goose Tape Man. Will not look good in court if you are not at least trying to support your child. I know divorce is financially difficult but don't expect the judge to listen to your sob story if you weren't sharing in his expenses.
Re: Money for Kid 4sarah: I would look it up on line and your state should have a child support calculator and you can figure out what you should be paying her. Here in UT its a set amount for child support and then half of medical/dental/daycare so if your child isn't in daycare then you don't have to pay but if they are then half is your resposibility. Divorce is never fun but remember that you don't want your child to remember it either!!! So as painless as possible to the children would be the best. Also divorce makes people poor so I completly understand you feeling like you cannot afford it but you don't need to on your own she is also resposible for half. Oh and another little piece of advise keep a journal of everything said and done between you and your X and also never pay in CASH!!!
Sarah
