Re: for anyone wondering when/how their ex will come to their senses dumpling: thanks, gg- you are always the voice of reason.
i know he knows how to find me...
Re: for anyone wondering when/how their ex will come to their senses Irony: [quote author=gg link=topic=23595.msg219657#msg219657 date=1136493170">
None of us know what our future holds. I still believe that my ex is the love of my life. I hope that he isn't. I hope that I meet someone new and better and more wonderful and more amazing whom I love endlessly who loves me back in a romantic and passionate and practical way. But I have no idea. But I do know that sitting around waiting for him (while he is not sitting around waiting for me) is no longer an option. And that my decision to move on has to be to better my own life and NOT to try to get him back.
gg
[/quote">
Once again, I find myself humbled by the feelings in your words, gg.
I, like you, still believe that my stbxw is and always will be the love of my life...and that, even though she said I was the same to her, obviously I'm not.
Glad to see that this day finds you moving forward on that "journey of a thousand miles that begins with the first footstep."
I'm starting to get more and more days like that myself, and although I'm still sad for the loss of something once so precious, I'm filling my life with things I need to be doing for me and my son, not to simply get her to want to come home.
No, I haven't changed my phone number. No, I haven't moved and left no forwarding address. I'm still right here where she knows how to find me.
If and when she is ever ready, just like you, I may already have already moved on. It's hard to realize sometimes that I could possibly be letting go of such a beautiful love in which so much emotional and spiritual capital had been expended.
I'm looking seriously at the phrase I've read around here often: "I miss the dream, not the reality."
And oh, what a dream it was for sure.
Keep expressing the beauty of your soul through your writing gg. I look forward to your posts.
You are a very special lady and I wish you the best...I know you'll have it someday.
Re: for anyone wondering when/how their ex will come to their senses flowersdirtandgardengirl: And Mike B,
Yes, I believe in what you said as well. I think the common theme with your examples and is that both partners came to the realization together, rather than one partner trying to subjegate the other into submission :) (a tactic I've tried and it sooo doesn't work).
None of us know what our future holds. I still believe that my ex is the love of my life. I hope that he isn't. I hope that I meet someone new and better and more wonderful and more amazing whom I love endlessly who loves me back in a romantic and passionate and practical way. But I have no idea. But I do know that sitting around waiting for him (while he is not sitting around waiting for me) is no longer an option. And that my decision to move on has to be to better my own life and NOT to try to get him back.
Ok, my rant time is over. I promise. ;)
love,
gg
for anyone wondering when/how their ex will come to their senses flowersdirtandgardengirl: In my life I have known ONE person and one person only who has f-ed up, cheated and later regretted it. One person. And I know a lot of people. And a lot of them have f-ed up, some of them have cheated, a great deal of them have had huge, dramatic break ups, precious few of them have gotten back together.
The one person who I know that messed up had moved to London with her bf. I can't remember now how long they were there but I know that she ended up meeting some other guy, had an affair, got pregnant, broke up with her bf, he moved back to the states, she planned on staying.
At some point however, and not too long after her ebf left her, reality set in. She moved back to the states, thought about having the child with this other guy for about 2-3 weeks, and decided against it.
From that point forward she did everything in her power and with such clear intention to get her ex back that she could. There were no questions about it, no "what is she thinking, does she want to be with me, is she giving me false hope"? She called him. She said, I'm sorry. I messed up. I love you, not him. Please take me back. I'm sorry. I messed up. I love you. Please take me back.
That clear, that unequivocal.
I haven't talked to her much since so I don't know what the outcome was. Understandably the ex was a little upset about the entire thing and wasn't about to make any hasty decisions. She was more than willing to wait around for him to decide. Again. No questions. No games. No maybe this, maybe that. I know he loved her and I could see that she loved him. I know she regretted her decision every day and didn't do anything to try to hide it. I know she regretted her decision every day and didn't go out to bars or clubs and try to sleep with anyone else all the while still calling her ex. I know she made her intentions clear and without question.
So for all of us, myself still at times included, who are wondering if/when/why/how our exes are going to try to win us back, keep this little parable in mind. If they wanted to, if they wanted us back, if they missed us at all, they would tell us and we would know.
I can't speak for everyone but I'm fairly certain that all of our exes have fully functioning facilities that are not precluding them from contacting us and saying "I'm sorry, please come home". Trying to figure out what they mean by this or by that cryptic message or shady action is only prolonging the torture of this, in my humble opinion.
I still do it. I still think and wonder and am amazed that he hasn't come to his senses. I still think to myself, maybe now?? Maybe he's finally figured it out now?? But then I remember myself, if he had, if he has, he's got my number, he knows how to find me. If he had, then he would.
If they had, then they would. Simple as that. Simple and painful as that.
~gg
Re: for anyone wondering when/how their ex will come to their senses andya: I do tend to agree with in some cases, when someone is ready to come back to you, if they truely want to, they will, but my situation was a little different, so I have to dissagree to the extent that there are exceptions. My wife - We have been together 9 year and have been married ~3 of those - went to a bachelorette party before her best friend's wedding last spring. I trusted her to go, not that I shouldn't have, and she made a mistake. Having no real experience with drinking, she got completely wasted, and made a wrong decision in having sex with someone very close to me. She didn't mention it to me until this fall. Looking back I could see that she was pulling away from me after that date, but the signs were too subtle to notice. All of a sudden in october I had the big old famous "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line dropped on me.
I'm not one to take things sitting down, and I really love her so I probed around until she admitted she had made a mistake, and said she didn't mean to, but that that wasn't the sole reason she was leaving me. She said she wanted to pursue the dreams she had before she met me. This hurt, but I told her it'd hurt me, but if that was what she needed to do, to just do it. What I didn't see was that she wasn't concerned with her dreams all that much. She left one time for about 2 days and she was back, but she still wasn't very loving, and still stuck to her line about not being "In Love" with me anymore. For the past few months I've been trying and trying, noticing the mistakes I made (I made a ton of them), fixing my problems, and handing my love and commitement to her on a golden platter. The truth in the situation came out today. She does love me, that's why she can't stand to leave, but the guilt is tearing her up. She's finding it hard to deal with the guilt and finds herself thinking that if she leaves the guilt will go away.
Suddenly I find myself feeling helpless because after all I'm in control of my own feelings, but there's little I can do to help her with hers in comparison. Although knowing the source of the problem is reassuring, now I'm faced with a problem I'm not equipped well to help with.
Any suggestions would be appreciated, but I mainly meant this as a contrast to the "sitting back and waiting is the only way" feeling I got from the original message. My suggestion is that in some cases that may do more harm than good if the person who is leaving you is doing so due to self-esteem, guilt and psychological issues. In those cases - I hope - love, support, and help through their rough time is what they may not openly ask for, but really need.
Now I am not a psychologist, and have very little formal training, especially on this subject, so I won't be held responsible if my opinion messes up your life or something, but this is how I feel.
