Re: What the hell am I’m going to do?!?!?!?! threetimeloser: Tweety,
I wouldn't mind knowing about it myself. I have lost tons of weight and I want to get ready for the spring biking season.
What the hell am I’m going to do?!?!?!?! twetifb: My stbx is coming back in town for the Bears playoff game next weekend. He emailed me to ask if he could stay at my place because now that all his friends are married with kids, he feels odd staying with them. I ask how long he’ll be in town and he said just for the weekend, in late on Fri night and out either Sun night or Mon morning depending on if the game is Sat or Sun. Anyways…I told him yes, he could stay but he’d have to stay on the couch. I also told him I’ll be doing a detox for a couple of weeks and he’ll be here in the middle of it so to make plans with his friends because I won’t be able to go out drinking or out to eat. He asked me to hold off on the detox until he leaves, which the “old” me would do but the “new” me is NOT going to. My coworkers and I start training for a half marathon next week and we’re doing the detox for a jump start. I already made a commitment and I’m not backing down. I’m just frustrated because it seems any time I am nice to my stbx, he wants more. It’s like I give an inch and he takes a foot. I can’t stand it!!!!!!!! I told him that if I was uncomfortable at all, I’d stay at my mom’s with her and he could have my place. I know that sounds ridiculous but it’s not a big deal for me and it would save him money. How do I get myself into these situations?
There’s something else that’s bothering me too. I no longer have any pictures of him in my house and the last time he was at my place, there were lots of pictures of us…including wedding pictures. It took a long time before I was okay with putting them away and it’s better for me that they’re gone but it’s going to hurt his feelings. I know it’ll be the first thing he notices and I know it’s going to break his heart all over again. I guess while he’s here we’re going to have to sit down and discuss the divorce. Maybe that will help put things in perspective for him. Maybe this weekend will be closure for the both of us….whatever that means!
Re: What the hell am I’m going to do?!?!?!?! snkpack5: Why are you so worried about his feelings? I mean I know you don't intentionally want to hurt him, but you are not really responsible for how he feels about things you are doing to heal. You aren't blatantly harassing him or throwing things in his face. So he has to learn to deal. And why'd you agree to let him stay in the first place???? My ex came up to visit the kids a few times after our divorce and I always made him stay somewhere else. I don't even like him to come to my house for a short visit. You have your rights. You also have the right to change your mind if you don't think it will work.
Re: What the hell am I’m going to do?!?!?!?! threetimeloser: Just because you said yes, it does not mean you can't get back in touch with him and say " I thought better of it and I would feel more comfortable if you stayed at a motel" End of story. If he appreciates you he will respect that, if he doesn't then it's his problem for not looking for stay before getting tickets. Poor planning on his part is not your problem. You are a person not a service.
This is not a step that is too hard to do. You took the first one when you stuck to your detox schedule. Now take the next one and turn him down. By doing so it should boost your confidence. You showed some when you put his pictures away. Don't take a step backwards.
Re: What the hell am I’m going to do?!?!?!?! twetifb: I know he has to learn to deal with it all but I don't like being the one to rub his face in it. I hate seeing how I've hurt him because then I hurt all over again. I agreed to let him stay because I have a real bad habit of not being able to say "no." I was proud of myself for telling him that I wasn't going to change my detox dates, that was a huge accomplishment for me. I know I have my rights and I know I have the right to change my mind but it's so hard for me to put someone else out. Geez, I need a backbone!
